It’s been so long that,
I can’t remember it anymore since when
I carry this feeling along me,
And I stop feeling hurt,
I saw myself destroying,
Things that I cherish and treasures;
Scattered into pieces
Holding grudges on myself
And so much guilt that
bygone can never be by gone anymore
I ran aimlessly and undetermined
Toward something that could never be mine
I knew where I belonged and where I stand
Because all I wanted is some peace for my heart
I knew that I would burn myself
Because that something is none other than the sun
Still, childishly I ran toward the sun
To hold it tighter to my chest
To heal my wounded heart
To stay away from the dark
Now, that I am hurt
And now, my wounds stay open
But, I don’t feel anything anymore
Because I was bound by my mind all along
Yes, I hurt myself
And now,With a drop of tear
I smiled in dark and look forward
Because I don’t fear this dark anymore
After losing so much that I don’t care anymore
My guilt and my grudges
My regrets and my pain
I am afraid; they will not leave me alone
And I walk alone with no feelings.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
thanx dear...I'll work on it
Are you saying that the pain has finally demoralized you and made you a walking corpse? As for the writing, it's a cliche, stereotypical topic. However, it's a situation too many people feel. You can never give up in life, and you're only as happy as you want to be. Screw what others think. That's not important, it's what you think. Really, it is. The only purpose and happiness to have in life is purpose and happiness. You make the happiness, and you make the purpose. It's what you make of it, and you only have one try.
The footsteps of the past never fall behind if you hold onto them. And the others that follow to mock and destroy you are only in your head.
On the poem:
Your punctation and capitalization is completely unorganized. It's off da charts, yo! ;D Fiddle with it and give it a pattern, maybe. Unless you don't want it to have a pattern. And, the other thing is imagery. The poem is pretty dry, and to make it stand out from the rest, you really need to empower it with something. Though, the dryness does have a little something... I don't really know what to think on that.
--Skis