Boss's point of view

TW: Blood, topics of abuse, mentions of suicide, disturbing content.

“I hated myself. I couldn't help but hate myself for the things I thought I was responsible for. I thought I'd lost everything. But then…you showed up. And my outlook just…changed.” -Kinger, The Amazing Digital Circus

It was just a normal day to fight. Every day you fight, right? Against yourself, against other dogs, against your packmates. 

And against the past.

Which..I guess is literally a summary of my life.

See, Calamity and I fought.

A lot.

And these fights would get so out of hand we wouldn’t speak to each other for days. Nana said that that was pretty normal for siblings, but Calamity was the bolder, more cocky one who usually started fights, and I was the quieter pup who disagreed with everything she said. I was also much more sensitive than her. She would say that I was such a weird little sibling who felt like it was their responsibility to help even little bugs, and I would burst into tears and run to Nana, who would roll her eyes, but give me licks on the head to comfort me.

But other times, we got along perfectly. She would search for treasures and shiny things around the ring and bring them to me, and together, we would arrange them into little piles. We would wrestle, yipping and snapping, tails wagging, oblivious to what we would have to do with these skills one day.

She sometimes let me win.

But most of the time, it was her that beat me.

We looked very much like each other. I mean, duh, we were siblings. I was(and still am) mostly black on my face, back, and neck, and on my underbelly it is dark brown. Calamity was almost completely black, with very light brown patches on her face and chest.

“Boss, race you!” 

“Boss, look at this bug I found!”

“Boss, why do you cry so much? It’s kind of weird.”

“Boss, let me have a turn with that!”

“Boss, can you play with me?”

“Boss, do you think there’s a way we could get out of here? Have you ever thought of that?”

“Boss, Nana’s calling you.”

“BOSS, LEAVE ME ALONE!!”

“Boss, come here!” 

She was such a flaring, often-changing spark of pure energy and spite. I’m pretty sure she picked up on Nana’s attitude and mirrored it, which was partially the reason she was so difficult. 

She could switch from being so rude, snarly, and aggressive to being the most curious, playful, and sweet sister-dog ever in the same minute like nothing had happened. 

It honestly scared me. As a pup, I remember hiding behind Nana’s long, gangly legs, while Calamity stalked around with her snarly mode on. 

“Kid, go play with your sister,” Nana would say, humor bubbling in her voice. I would shiver and shake my head forcefully.

“She scares me,” I whined, hiding further behind her, and Calamity would leap on me, playful mode on and ready to play.

She confused me a lot. 

But she was my best friend. We were all that we had, besides Nana in this so-called hell of a ring.

But then things changed.

When we got bigger, the humans paid more attention to us. They put us in the ring for the first time. I thought it was just a game and I sort of just gave the fight to the other dogs. It was one of the worst fighting experiences in my life. I got my tail torn almost completely off, stomach scratched up, muzzle torn, and barely made it out alive, with pints of blood pouring out of me. 

“Kill me!” I had screamed during the fight in agony, manic terror taking over, so that all I knew and felt was that I wanted to die and be done with it.

However, when Calamity had staggered out, her tail was held high, licking her chops, splattered in her and her opponent’s blood. 

And human blood. 

She had been so bold that after she'd beat the crap out of her opponent, she had gone after the human.

From then on, she wore a collar. I wore one too; except mine had a tag, hers had sharp edges that, if pulled, cut into her skin. Obviously, that didn't hold her back.

If anything, she fought back harder.

When we were no longer pups, young adults, it occurred to me that other dogs needed to be able to have a “family” because here, there was nothing like that, and everyone was alone. 

So I collected Tawny, who had just gotten her whole litter massacred in the ring, and still stank of pup-milk and iron-sharp pup blood. 

I found a young pup named Raggy who was traumatized beyond belief-who had been beaten, neglected, starved, and had her mouth taped shut at some point. She refused to look anyone but Nana in the eyes. Nana cared for her, trying to help her come out of her shell, trying to help her trust. Raggy never trusted quickly, but once she did, she was loyal. And she’s still here today. 

I also found a pup named Splotch, who was so afraid to speak and look me in the eye that she shrank herself to the wall so much she got snagged to the wire and started to bleed. So I felt very uncomfortable and left her there.

But the next day, she started begging me to take her in, crying and whimpering, and she was so scared and was just a very young pup that I took her in. After that, Nana started taking initiative raising her, and grew to love her to this very day.

That pup, “Splotch” is now Digger.

Calamity didn’t care much for the new arrivals of my newfound pack. She said, “They’re going to die, Boss, and here, it’s everyone for themselves. What are you doing? You’re just going to break yourself.” 

I tried to ignore her.

And for a while I did. 

I didn’t bother to mention to her how she had a soft spot for taking care of Splotch.

All of a sudden one day, she said:

“Boss, I think I have a plan for us all to FINALLY get out of here. Listen to this-”

“Wait, what?”

Escaping had never even crossed my mind, yet here my sister was, saying she had a way for us to get out. So I thought she was insane.

“HA! Good luck trying to get us out of this death trap.”

“Boss, I’m serious. If we could attack the humans until all the feel is PAIN-” her eyes sparkled ferociously, then go round with passion. “-then we could disable them, get all the dogs out of here, go to the streets or something, and be free!! What do you think?”

“Uh, Calamity…?”

“Yeah? It’s a good plan, right?” Her eyes sparkled like a pup being praised, and a prickle of annoyance crept up my spine.

“Uh…okay. It could work…if that was even possible. There is no way you would be able to bite every single human here, not to mention even find an exit out of here. Also-I just don’t want anyone to die! Calamity, think about it! Dogs are going to DIE because of this. I don’t want to do thi- ”

I stopped, seeing her expression. It was stormy, like dark black clouds mixed with pure midnight. Her fur bristled along her spine, and her lips slowly parted away, revealing her sharp white teeth.

“Boss, why are you so-??!”

“So what?”

“You wouldn’t take a chance to get out of here?? Even if it meant a chance at a better life?? For all of us?!”

“Calamity, I-think about the risks! I-”

“‘Risks, risks, risks!’ SURE. You’re supposed to be the leader!! A leader chooses what’s best for-”

“MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO DIE! MAYBE I WANT TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY! YOU DON’T THINK! YOU’RE GOING TO GET US ALL KILLED ONE DAY!”

The words sort of just flew out of my mouth, even though I knew I didn't really mean it, I was just trying to talk her out of it.

“I hate you.” Her voice had so much venom in it it stung, but I turned my head away from her, even though I heard her small sniff.

Was she crying?

“Whatever. Leave me the hell alone, Calamity.”

I don’t know why I told her to leave me alone. I guess at that moment, I was just so burned out and sick of her that I just..

Later, the same day, I heard Tawny gasp something, and looked up at the body pile. 

My sister was dead. She was laying on her side in the pile, her collar tightened around her neck to the point it cut into it and I could see the muscle there. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was open. And that's when I realized she had probably died trying to carry out her plan she was so sure would work.

I started to sob. And nothing made sense. Nana was ranting like a maniac and sobbing. Nana was and still is loud, but she never just completely snapped at one time. Digger-then Splotch, was confused and asking pup-like questions, like, “What happened?” or “Why’s she sleeping?” or “Is she going to wake up soon?”

 Tawny was silent, which rang in my ears louder than any yell. 

And Calamity was dead.

For a while, I just stopped functioning. I wouldn't get up, wouldn't speak, refuse to eat. I was so consumed by guilt and grief that it started to consume me.

And then two new dogs arrived.

Brothers.

Scruff and Nape.

Scruff quickly made friends with Digger, who had just discovered himself, and Nape too. 

But Nape noticed me. 

He started to chat with me. About random things, at first. But then gradually heavier things like why I was so sad and things like death.

Secretly, I really liked the way he imitated voices, or could always make my mood raise up, and the way he always knew how anyone felt.

It was so rare to have a genuine connection that I clung to it. It was my lifeline. The flirting. The ear-tugging. The conversations. The…everything.

I had something to live for.

Something to get up to every day, realizing that maybe there was a bit of yellow(he loved yellow.) in this gray and black hell. That maybe there was hope, love, joy in such a bleak existence.

And foolishly, I believed it.

Then it got taken away so cruelly I didn’t know how to handle it. 

And now…here we are.