what should i do?
I'm so confused
It's as if my head is going to explode
I cannot take it anymore
"just one more day"
a part of me says
but the other part of me says
"what would another day give?"
edventually i get myself to calm down
I feel lost
like I'm walking alone
and all I can see is this thick grey fog surrunding me
filling me inside
i dont know where I'm going
nothing on my mind
nothing in my brain
feeling lost and alone
trying to remember a time
when there were people by my side
at least thats what i thought
I've been betrayed
I don't know anyone anymore
at home I'm locked in my room
faced with the seemingly never ending rainstorm
"alone"
alone is what i say to myself over and over again
draining me out
making me feel empty
after dinner i slump back into my dark cold room
watching it rain
wishing the sun would come up and save me from this life
I'm sitting here awake in the darkness of the night
taking protection under my blankets
dreaming that i could go back
reverse time
make things right
with everyone
my friends my family strangers on the street
"everyone"
I say trying my best to stop my never ending storm
I think having a phone would make things better
my friend came over on the only day it seemed my parents would take me
when i think back
having one good friend is better han having a phone
for me all i care about is that one friend
praying that she could stay forever
to take my mind off everything else I know
hoping that i could have a different life
a better life
one that I haven't messed up
where i can start new and make sure it would be better
but thats not possibe i can't
"I wish I wish I wish"
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Hey there Olivia!
You've got yourself a heavy poem there huh? Well, it's nice to ease up at times and comfort yourself a little by expressing yourself and speaking your mind out. Sounds like you really are alone. School problems? It is indeed tiring to have no one to talk to. You will have yourself a routinary activity of going to school and back home.
You just spoke your mind here didn't you? It has bothered you a lot so you needed someone to tell it to, but since you really don't have your friend yet (the real ones) so you took refuge here. It is amazing how people can say a lot when they are not talking. You have been honest in what you have written. It's good.
You might just want to check something about what you've written though.
Is it your style to write your personal pronoun "I" in small letters? Because if it is, then you mus be consistent about it from beginning to end.
I love this poem 'cause it has been honestly written.
Keep writing.
I'll be reading your other works if you already have.
This is interesting. There are a lot of things you have done here that are very stylistic and suggest a lot about what's going on inside the narrators head. Like the fact that the only punctuation is the question mark at the beginning. Wow! That's really fascinating. The piece becomes this frantic expression of something that even the narrator seems to be unsure about. The lines are sentences independently ( for the most part ) but it all runs together an makes this very nervous upset thought process. Very stream of consciousness, especially in the way you jump from subject to subject. My main critique would be to either really consider the topics you focus on ( like the phone, versus the rain, versus the family ) or just go all out and let your mind wander. Doing both is dangerous. Some of the threads are very interesting, like your 'never-ending rainstorm' which suggests that you are blaming yourself for the situation, even though it is beyond your control. Also when you want to make it better with 'family, friends, strangers in the street', there is a tremendous amount of sorrow and confusion in the narrator that translates so well to the reader. I really felt for you at that part because I identified what you were struggling with. The other parts of the poem seemed to dance around what the actual problem was, which is okay, but the resolution needs to happen, I think. The use of quotes to break the sentences is nice, because it communicates the nervous and broken mindset of the narrator. I think that kind of gesture would help this piece a lot. The ending is also very emotional. These moments really glue the poem together. A few more demonstrations of the narrators emotional status would really drive this one home. There were a few typographical errors, but that's easily fixed. Please keep writing and posting! I'm interested to see what you turn out :3