Diet

Hello! Chips here to review your poem. Welcome to YWS also

This was quite a realistic poem, not so much humourous however. I liked how you highlighted the scenario most people in an eating disorder situation face and the thought process they may experience, the uncertainty, insecurity, confusion and the loss of control, which you conveyed so well done on that.

There is always room for improvement, so here are some suggestions which may help improve your poem even further.

"Just one more day I swear,

I'll start tomorrow,

Trust me."

Here, I would have prefered the comma being a full stop, so it comes out more boldly as an opening.


"For now I will indulge in guilty pleasures,"

Here, I would have liked it more if you had gone into more depth concerning what those "guilty pleasures", consist of so the reader gets into the mindset of the person better.


"Pretend I'm skinny.

But, I'll start tomorrow,

I swear."

I liked the sense of false security this last part had.

As an overview, I felt a certain incompleteness to you poem. The emotion was fine but it needed even more, perhaps adding much more vivid imagery, descriptions and metaphors would have helped. I think more length would do your poem good, maybe go into more detail about certain aspects of the challenging diet and body image struggle an eating disorder victim may have.

Keep writing! Hope this helped.

--Chips

Hi there, oliviacray! Welcome to YWS!

I actually did not find this poem funny at all, but rather a serious poem about the sadness of how people cannot accept their own bodies.

We see the sadness in the language. While "guilty pleasures" might be an idiom, think about it. Why is it guilty? Because it's going to make the narrator fat? Society tells us that fat is bad, but everyone has their own body type, and fatness is just another body type that people have. By calling food "a guilty pleasure" and "a sinful delight," society is subconsciously telling people that food is bad.

The narrator saying she'll start tomorrow is this desire to be skinny, to not have her own body anymore, and I find it terrible that the narrator is saying that she'll start the diet on the following day, but it's implied that she never will, as if saying that she will will somehow make her acceptable, like heavy people that say, "I just started working out" somehow have more of a pass in society than heavy people who are not working out.

The line that really got me was "pretend I'm skinny." The pretending hurts worse than the eating, and that's illustrated in the poem.

I think you should phrase the "eat out my soul/feelings" lines a bit differently. Perhaps "away" instead of out would do better here?

Altogether, I liked this poem, but I don't think it should be listed under humor. It shows a lot about society, but there is nothing funny about dieting. I hope that this review proves helpful to you! Happy writing!

Hey, Liv here to review your poem I think that this poem effectively encompasses the majority of people, myself included. I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say that they're going to start tomorrow, or how many times I've even told myself that. It's so easy to put it off, to say that you're going to start soon, that you're okay with who you are, but before you know it it's been a month and you still haven't started. It's something so simple that everyone can understand, and the simplicity of the format of this poem really captures that. This is really creative and well done. Bravo!

This is a cute little poem that perfectly describes my life right now. It's simply written, but that's really all you need to get the point across. However, there are a few tidbits that could be changed.

"Eat out my soul.
Eat out my feelings."

I feel like these two lines are a little redundant. I would either Take one out, or revise one of them. Personally I would do the one referring to your soul because personally, that seems a little dark. I would never eat out my own soul. Also, I would take out the word "out" in the feelings sentence. It also seems a little redundant.


I do not like the line break after the word "But" It seems a little awkward, then again, maybe replacing or removing the comma might just make it work. There are a lot of misuse of commas in this piece. Review what comma splices are and how you should correctly punctuate. I would ask an English teacher or google it, because commas aren't exactly my strong suit either.

Great work. I can't wait to hear more from you.

I know the feels.

Just one more day I swear,

But

I will indulge in guilty pleasures,

eat out my soul