Last Resort part 1

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Taking a deep breath, I clicked on the box labelled “slim” under the body description section. It was only a dating website. Nobody told the truth, did they? I would have felt that I was lying even more if I had clicked the token “curvy” box. Yes, I was curvy, but not in terms of breasts and hips; more like my stomach and bottom. In fact, most of the time I felt like one humongous curve. Men would presume I had big boobs and curvaceous hips if I would have opted for that.

Hmm well this is an interesting starting point. I do believe I've never quite seen this sort of POV to a story of this nature before. It certainly is the sort of thing that immediately gets your attention because of how different it tends to be from similar stories and just the possibilities this premise has here. At any rate, this is a very solid start here.

Then it came time to upload a picture. What the hell was I going to do? All my pictures showed that I was far from slim. One stood out. It showed me looking almost seductively at the camera, blue eyes twinkling, lip gloss shimmering, hair verging on painfully straight and, most importantly, I was thin. Well, thinner. This photo was of me at the somewhat tender age of sixteen. Now, positively old at twenty-one, and seven stone heavier, this was far from truthful. Throwing caution to the wind, I thought, it’s not as if anybody is going to be interested anyway.

Without giving it a second thought, I hit the submit button and sat back to wait for “local singles” to get in touch. I was more than sceptical, but verging on desperate. All my friends managed to have boyfriends; some even had more than one. Greedy, that’s what I call it!

Well this is certainly hinting at some major problems to potentially come there. Its all being set up quite nicely for the story itself and I think I really like how you manage to make this for the most part a straight flow of these events unfolding with these thoughts as the decision are being made reflected quite nicely without diving too much into what the consequences will be and leaving us to sort of try to imagine where this might go.

Granted, my last relationship had been a complete disaster. Not that I want to make light of it, but the man couldn’t keep his fists, or his penis, to himself. I’d spent the last two years dating and deliberating about what on earth was wrong with me that the only man I could keep was one that didn’t want to be kept. This is when I’d put my weight on. I was eating myself happy, as annoyingly thin people say. Being twenty-one and nineteen stone was hard. Harder than any thin person could ever fathom; I can promise you that. Anyway, I’m not looking for sympathy; I’m just looking to give thin people a different perspective and bigger people something to relate to.

Okayy...well that's an interesting point there to end on. It seems we veered off the story a tiny bit to go into backstory which is a nice touch. It establishing some extra background behind what's happening and makes things a bit more interesting, but I also feel the end there went in a bit of a direction that was a bit too different. It wasn't a bad idea to end on, it just feels like it doesn't fit in as well as it should with the rest of the piece.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hi olivia1987uk! I'm here to review!

Nobody told the truth, did they?

It sounds a bit awkward. Try "Nobody told the truth, right?"

I would have felt that I was lying even more if I had clicked the token “curvy” box.

I felt that I would be lying even more....

Kill passivity! xD

Throwing caution to the wind, I thought, it’s not as if anybody is going to be interested anyway.

First person hardly uses "I thought".

I threw caution to the wind. It's not as if anybody was going to be interested anyway.

Greedy, that’s what I call it!

...what I called it!

Consistent tenses, please. ^^

I’d spent the last two years dating and deliberating about what on earth was wrong with me that the only man I could keep was one that didn’t want to be kept.

I spent the last two years dating and deliberating about what on earth was wrong with me; that the only man I could keep was one that didn't want to be kept.

This is when I’d put my weight on. I was eating myself happy, as annoyingly thin people say.

That was when I put my weight on. I ate myself happy, as annoyingly thin people said.

Again, consistent tenses and kill passivity.


OVERALL:

I understand how she feels about being fat perfectly. It's so natural. I really hear her voice. ^^ Good job!