Sometimes, trying to find originality is like trying to find a needle in a haystack; or a four leaf clover. To be original was not the main objective of Aidan’s painting though. He needed to convey to everyone his pain. Words were not his friend and, more often than not, they failed him. His art however, gave him the upper hand. Wincing in pain after having to rearrange his canvas into the small square of natural light allowed through the blinds in the “living room” of his studio flat, he downed a large glass of Irish whiskey. Self medication, he thought with a small but satisfied grin. The alcohol might not have been numbing the physical discomfort of his injuries but was doing wonders for depleting his memory, albeit temporarily. It came back in crippling waves and surges.
The artwork was the only thing left behind to prove his anguish; to show the people involved how much Aidan regretted his actions. The whiskey amalgamated with numerous prescription drugs and as the thirty year old lay collapsed on his bed in the early hours of the morning, he knew he would no longer have to answer the questions or live with the guilt.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay well this is not the typical sort of prologue that you tend to run into too often. Most of the time its a lot flashier than this but well this is a nice little change here and I think the best part is despite being a somewhat more mundane themed prologue this one manages to be no less exciting here, there's definitely enough going on here that as readers we are captivated.
The way you mention this situation there are going through and talk through how its all affecting them as they are trying to make this panting here and discussing that whole side of things quite simply it creates a nice sort of contrast there and almost seems to be trying to tell us something a bit deeper than just the basic description there.
Overall I think its a nice little take on this situation and you paint a picture of this person and their current position in things quite nicely and it works really surprisingly well as a prologue here. I definitely find myself intrigued enough to want to turn that page and read more.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey Olivia, I'm Mia.
I can't really give this a lengthy review, since it is so short.
I think you should remove the comma after 'and' and 'however'.
This setence seemed very long and rushed. Especially the first part which didn't have any commas at all, which made it all the more confusing. Try split the sentence into two, maybe stopping the sentence after 'pain' and turning it into: 'Aidan winced in pain.' And then starting a new setence.
Those are the only nitpicks I could find! :O
Descriptions
I would suggest on describing certain things some more, especially since you 'tell' alot in here. Try 'show' some more. Make me feel what he's feeling, make me understand why he's doing what he's doing, and force me to see it in his point of view. You mentioned how guilty he is over something, describe this some more. Don't give away why he's feeling so bad, but show exactly how guilt ridden he is and why he needs to paint etc.
Character
Can't say much about the characters since we only meet Aidan and you don't give much information about him since this is just a prologue.
Overall
I loved this all, it captured my interest and since it's a prologue, it's done it's job.
PM me when the next part is up or if you have any questions.
I think its 'Self-medication' and 'the thirty-year-old'.
Yup
Wow Olivia, I haven't read any of your works in awhile, but I really liked this short, but great prologue. I'd like to see how it develops!
Sorry 'bout the short commentary. I'm short on time XD
So, I shall be seeing you around then!
~Have a nice day!
Meep(:
Hey there Olivia. It's been a while. Well I haven't exactly reviewed in a while, but I'll do my best.
On the whole, I think this works well as a prologue and I quite like. It does well in giving the reader an idea of what the plot, characterization, setting, conflict and theme will be like. I particularly like your use of cliches in the opening sentence as it emphasizes that not only is originality is hard to come by, but that it is sometimes pointless. The diction is also quite concise and balanced so that it didn't end up being overly melodramatic for the reader. You have a solid theme here and I believe that you will be successful.
I think this prologue could make do with a little more showing with certain ideas. For example, you have briefly stated that words fail him. The problem with that is that it doesn't make that concept evident for your reader, which could make the prologue not hook as strongly as it should have been. Make this more evident. Maybe describe the incomplete drafts of his novel being scattered throughout his work table?
I think that's all I have to say really. I'm kind of interested with Aidan. It seems like he joined the wrong crowd and did those "spirit of the moment" decisions when he was younger that ultimately had a negative impact on his life and now really wants to seek redemption. Where you are going with this, I have no clue.
Guess I have to read the first chapter when it's out
Thanks for posting this and good luck.
Andy.
Yay, first review.
The only thing I can say here is to get rid of the first comma. The “and” before it already calls for a sort of pause and when I read it, I continued to add an extensive amount of pause. The second comma is ok.
Also, I like this opening line. It’s not too showy and it’s not plain either.
Other then that, it was good. I would have pointed out every good portion but I was so well constructed, I would have been reposting just about the whole thing. Not only that, but I love how there was a lot of personality given, even in such a short section and shows how he’s built in reaction to emotion and event. Anyway, I would love to see where this is going to go and if you would PM me when there is more, that would be amazing.