this really goes against every poem i write, if you have read my previous poetry, you'd understand i hate poetry like this. but, i found this poem, that i wrote when i was about 11. i just thought it sounded quite advanced for an 11 year old. anyway, seeing as people like poetry like this, i thought i'd post it.
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Saying you love me while you touch my heart,
Letting me know that we're never apart,
As long as we live and as long as we love,
You'll be there forever, and never give up.
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You're touching my soul with your innocent words,
Make me feel special, like i'm the only girl,
But I know that you're not the guy you turn out to be,
And one day soon, you'll admit it to me.
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You down me in my tears, after watching me cry,
Look at the stars, as you wait till i die,
You watch me suffer in all of your lies,
Kill me now before I try.
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I'm giving up with all of it,
I can't take anymore of your unfaithful shit,
It's not like I'm desperate to see you car,
Just make it look better than a disaster.
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We've tried to love so many times,
I thought I'd be different but it passed my mind,
I didn't think right at the moment my dream came true,
You will never change, you'll always be you.
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You used to blame me for all my mistakes,
End the dream and get what you take,
You took my heart but then you let go,
Left me dying, with nothing I know.
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If we could just go back and start where we left,
You committed the crime, the crime of theft,
You stole my heart, it was never returned,
You turned me down with nothing earned.
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How can I survive without a heart?
You're my love, without you I fall apart,
So keeping you close is just the key,
To keep me in this misery.
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So I walk out the doors rimmed with lies,
Encaged in a nightmare where I always die,
And I fake a smile to seem alright,
And it starts again; I never give up as long as I try.
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You tell them we're together, and make it feel good,
Put on your smile and look in the mood,
Keep my believing but I know the truth,
I can't tell them my thoughts, though I know I should.
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The lies are eternal and painful to hear,
But no matter what happens I always stand near,
For I always love you like you never loved me,
And hopefully one day you will see.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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That does sound very advanced for a 11 year old! Yes, it did sound cliche, but at that age (and our age, too) just about every other thing we write does.
Galerius- Please don't comment on someone else's work unless you set out with the purpose to help them.
Have a great day, RocknRoll! God Bless!
Hi ohsorocknroll,
Delete this immediately, and don't post an old, useless poem again. Nobody likes to waste their time on something which the author has admitted he will never revise or work on.
Hope that helped,
Galerius