Published July 8, 2016
Around, All around angels gather
My dread grows as the angry hand of heaven falls against my
naked soul. It mutilates me, and darkly my
essence drips to the thirsty earth.
In unholy terror I fall limply
While Hell takes me.
Now Alone my cries of mercy falls upon dead eyes.
This is my salvation.
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140,682 Literary Works • 673,591 Reviews
I think the prose is really great. I'm wondering why you capitalized "Alone" and also if "falls" should be "fall" instead but other than that I truly enjoyed it. While writing, I personally try not to use the word "soul", which you did, but I liked that later you redefine it as essence. All in all, really great poem. Great work.
Amazing! Clearly you know some great vocabulary.
It is pretty gothic, but it does sound really good.
One part where I feel you may have messed up: "It mitilates and darkly my essence (etc,)" how would your essence 'darkly' drip? Darkly isn't an action word, and I don't even know if it's a word. Other than that, AMAZING job! Keep up the good work! Happy writing.
Takk fyrir. Thank you so much for the review. Please leave a like if you liked it and the Darkly thing was really something that just happened in the heat of the moment.
Benvenuto and top of the morning to you, NympheaLily here!
This poem is short but it holds an impressive amount of meaning. This could be taken in several different directions. The first direction that I saw immediately was the aspect of desperation. The main character of the poem (whoever it may be) seems to be struggling with something within itself and I really like that. Not everything has to be happy rainbows all the time.
Another direction this could have taken would be depression. This is different from desperation mostly because it seems like the depression path made the character give up all hope for life and made them think other dark things. I have a feeling that it's a little mix of both, and that's awesome!
I couldn't see any grammar mistakes, but I am wondering why you decided to capitalize some letters but you didn't capitalize others. Like this;
"Around, All around angels gather..."
You decided to capitalize 'All' but no other word in this line except for the beginning. If it is a poetic choice, then that's cool. I'm just wondering why.
"...naked soul. It mutilates me, and darkly my..."
In this part, you didn't capitalize the first word like in the previous paragraphs. Hmm, interesting.
Well that's all I have! This poem is very intriguing and I really liked it. And as always, KEEP THOSE FINGERS TYPING!
Ciao!
~NympheaLily
Buonsera! Grazie! Takk fyrir. Thank you so much for the review and please leave a like. You're the first person on here that I've meet that speaks Italian
I love Italian. I want to keep learning it. It's such a fun language!