Young Writers Society

This is Kaos here for a review on Review Day.

Going to start off easy with that I felt it was unnecessary to have the "Dearest Friend" at both the beginning and end, kind of feeling like a waste of a last line.

This is where it gets into more of the critique territory.

I didn't really feel anything about this poem. To me it felt shallow in it's way of telling your friend, and it felt like anyone could write this down on a piece of paper. It feels very generic, the same way, in example, that most love poems fall into. This is because they don't provide anything unique to the table, or any of your own experiences.

Adding your own experiences to the poem and own memories makes the poem all the more yours, without them they feel like they could be anyone's words. The imagery in this poem felt kind of nonexistent and bare-boned.

My suggestion is to focus on one or more specific details in a few lines and then expand on them rather than throwing lines around and veering off into new ones straight after.

For example I'm going to pick a few lines and then just try to expand them a bit:

You gave me a smile

when everything was going to hell.

So, Cynder here.

Are you gonna hate me if I review this and criticize it? Because I know it's about your friend and it means a lot to you. But, I also know that if you made it even better, it would do your friend an even greater justice, even if they don't know.

I would make "Thank You" it's own line. Because it's simple and beautiful the way it is, I think spacing that out would give it the justice it deserves.

There's also the line, "You've help" which should be "helped." And "without to you."

On that note though, I think you could show more than tell. Showing makes a poem more emotional, even more so than this already is.

Saying, "hoping everything's all right/ not sure what to do without you/ the light of my days." Those are just suggestions, so do with them what you will. It's completely author's choice.

Instead of saying "hell" directly, say what the hell was like. Doesn't have to be specific if it's personal, but going in a round-about way to show your point is what makes "showing" better than "telling." A story tells you, a poem is a story, but it shows you. Does that help?

Truth is, I love your poem the way it is. But I think you can push it further. To keep pushing it, to keep editing it, it is worth it. I can tell how much effort you put in to it, and your friend is lucky to have a friend like you. You really care about them. So good job for doing this, and showing how much you care. So keep editing and working on it. Show us, the readers, just how much you feel.

Keep writing, and I hope your friend gets better. My thoughts are with them.

~Cynder out.

This is a stunning poem for multiple reasons, mostly being:
-depth
-tragedy
-hope
-but most of all character progression in one sentence "but now I know that I can trust you."

I truly hope that the injured friend get better simply because you feel pity for the writer who so desperately wants a friend worth trusting.