Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
She slowly walks into the bathroom. The dim light only illuminates some of the bathroom. She closes the door quickly and, locks it with a click. She walks over to the sink and looks into the mirror. She grabs her make-up bag and searches for her obsession. She looks for the shiny sharp piece of metal that is covered, now, with blood. She grabs hold of it. She pulls it out of the bag and, tosses the bag aside. She doesn’t know what she’s about to do means. She pulls her sleeve up the scars of the past are still there. She takes the knife blade and presses it against her arm. She puts a lot of pressure on it and slowly drags it across her arm. Soon the thick warm red liquid spills from the opening in her arm. She does it again and again. No one cares, She thinks, I just need to feel something. I just need to feel this.
Her thoughts are interrupted by a banging on the door. “Hurry up!” her brother says. She can’t look at him right now. She wants to feel something more but, she can’t anymore everything that made her feel something is gone. She wants to be happy but, that time is gone. She knows that and, she knows that she’ll never get it back. Life has become too bland for her know. Everything is worthless and nothing makes her smile again. It all hurts her more than anyone will ever understand. She just wants it to end. There is another bang at the door. “What’s taking you so long in there?” Her brother asks. She presses the knife to her wrist this time. There’s a voice in her head screaming for her to stop. There is another voice telling her that she is worthless. She wants to stop but, she can’t.
Her brother busts through the door. He looks at her and she is crying. “What the- I thought you quit this for good!” He yells. She can’t stop crying . She slowly drags the knife across her wrist and, it starts to bleed slowly. He won’t stop yelling at her. After a while she falls to the ground, dead.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hi writer
I just to tell you one thing that the story and your description is perfect its just that it would a little more elaborate about her character and details.Your style of writing is really very appreciable and if find your story very realistic.
I am new here so sorry if the review is not up to the mark.Keep writing so that I could review more of your work.
See you then
Love Urvika
Here's a review for you to read in your spare time
This story is very "real life" as the category may be titled.
I found it very interesting that the brother was home or around in any capacity when she did this. If she didn't want any other troubles in her life, wouldn't she have done it in more privacy so she could die in peace? If her brother new, did her parents know? Did she have any parents? If she did, is that why her brother was home?
There are so many questions.
But I also understand that, sometimes, even the author doesn't even know the answers to questions.
The only detail that caught my eye was the ending, it was a bit. . . well. . . abrupt.
It would be a bit smoother if you detailed how she felt as she died. How her brother reacted. You wrote it in third person, so you can even write the ending about how the brother/family reacted. Or maybe what her last thought was?
Just suggestions!
Keep writing. I love it
Hi, here with a review. First of all, I find the tittle really good as it is short and attractive. I really liked how you've gone into detail about what's happening. I could really imagine this happen but maybe you could've explained her character a bit more , maybe personality wise or how she looks at the minute. You could have also told us why she's doing this because that's a question I really want t know but I think you've done that deliberately. Overall, I loved it and keep writing!
Hey there! I think I'm going to leave you a review. ^^
Because, I don't support self harming, it's just so gross. But, yes, I am aware what drives people to go to that extent and I really understand the horrible state of mind in that situations (Because I basically study on it) and I know, it's sad but, I know that things like this happen a lot in our world, everyday. I didn't love it because, like I said, I don't support suicidal acts but, the way you've written (Which must be given the most importance because this is a writing site xD) is great! I could relate to the part of self-talking, because I do that very often. Also, these few lines really let readers see what's going in her mind, which is important because, the audience need to feel what the storyteller is trying to say, that's how stories become unforgettable:
I can't say I loved it, well wait, let me finishh!
It was nicely written overall. But, truly, I don't want any more beautiful lives leave the world like that, because, everyone, including ourselves deserve more than just two or three chances. It's our life, we gotta give it a genuine try! <3 All the love. Keep writing.
Hello there, I'm here to review.
I like your story, it really yells "Society Problem" I love how you pointed out the phases of a person who decides to commit suicide. One of the things that I liked about the story that make me sad is how you give the protagonist this feel that she will "never feel something" and how life "hurts her more that anyone". That thought make the protagonist never see a solution for her troubles and finally, she decide to end all this suffering by killing herself. The other thing I like is the shame the bare the protagonist when she think of her brother. This shameful feeling when (I suppose) her brother help her get through the problem and she at the end go back to zero. It really hurt me like a reader.
I talk about the great things I see in the story and why I like it. Now I'm gonna talk about the things that you can improve for future works of yours. First, I think that you can minimize the use of 'She' in the first paragraph. Is redundant and makes the story a little slower. You can also use the word 'Her' and vary the use of 'She'. The other is punctuation. Keep an eye for them.
Keep writing. Is the best thing that every writer do. It can help us be more compassionate and free in many ways. Writing is our system to tell and communicate. Use it to your advantage. Write your own future and do what you love most. We only need a pen and a paper to create the most interesting story in the world.