Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
As charred stone pressed against my palm, it disintegrated into dust before floating away in the gentle sea breeze. It was almost magical in a chilling, not at all pleasant way. Everything was charred now; the great fires of Europe had reduced the mighty continant to nothing more than a pile of ashes and left to age alone forever. Few still journeyed past the safety of their ships, scared the scarred land will harm them either mentally, images of the past still bouncing about in their nervous heads, or physically, with the dust and disease.
Well, that appears to be a description of a land that's been through a bit of an apocalypse of sorts here, definitely sounds like a place that a lot of people wouldn't want to visit there. It looks like a place with a pretty dangerous past here...pretty choice of opening paragraph here.
I couldn't blame those people -- they had reason to be afraid. I don't. The Transition began before I was born, and ended when I was only a year and a half old. I was one of the lucky few that survived, and though I was thankful for the chance I was given, it didn't come without a price.
Peeking over my shoulder, I gave my best friend a smile and found her smiling back at me. Had she been watching? Before I could ask, Emilia had circled around me.
Okay, interesting term there for whatever caused this whole issue with people being terrified in that place..and well, looks like our protagonist comes from a time much later than this event and is not scared of it and appears to perhaps be venturing into it by the sounds of things, well, that does make things quite interesting here too, nice little point to be starting on here.
"Did you hear me or were you spacing out again?"
"Uh..." I rubbed the back of my neck nervously.
"Finn." Emilia lectured. "You have to focus. The crew is counting on us, you know. Do you even remember what we're supposed to be doing here?"
Hmm, spacing out like that and forgetting what they're supposed to be doing sounds like the work of a properly terrible captain so as wholesome as that interaction between friends is and as nice of a friendship as it appears, some good dialogue there, it doesn't seem like this is a very good captain here, you do want to try and make it seem like this one does know what they're doing.
"Gathering info on the terrain?"
"Good," She smiled again and I let out a little breath, glad she wasn't actually mad. "You listening now?"
"Yeah, I am."
"Follow me then," She cocked her head towards west side of the small Island we were exploring. "You're gonna want to see this."
OKay....the classic "you're gonna wanna see this" line being used there to end the chapter, that's always a fun one, especially cause it does manage to effectively do the job of making you want to read on with the story...on the whole a neat little end there...its a decent looking first part here. It sounds like a story I would perhaps read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
While I genuinely enjoyed reading this (I'm curious as to what happens next!) I think it is a bit wordy, cluttered with unnecessary adverbs and prep. phrases. I think you have a great plot going for you, and this could be a real gem with some polish!
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