Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Culture


The Act

by oceans


A masquerade of faces travels

by. Its costumes glint insecurities

and hidden truths. 
     

Transparent eyes get lost in time

and feed their growing worries.

Wants and wishes so divine,

they lose their inhibitions
     

Born to aid, address, adorn,

accept the common changes.

In a mess of open doors that

creak with hesitation, and from

their hinges hang a lack of interest.
     

On a leash, they pull and lead

like turning pages absorbed in

distant whispers. And take for

granted lively things in which 

their lives are missing. 
     

Like saints endow their lives

to save,

The Act becomes routine.

Hide behind a perfect lie, and

preach their positivity in front

of wandering eyes. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
10 Reviews


Points: 399
Reviews: 10

Donate
Sun Sep 06, 2020 7:45 pm
CreativeUsername wrote a review...



Hello!!

I like the concept of this poem, because it's true. Humans wear masks. I also really like your title, it's what drew me into read this.

Okay onto some critique:

If I'm being honest this poem confused me. The similes and metaphors are all over the place and some of them, to me, don't make much sense. I also feel like some stanzas flowed better than others, and that to me made it feel inconsistent.

My favorite stanza is probably the last one, because I do like the ending. I feel like it completed the poem in a flattering way. But, that being said, I feel like this poem concept could have been conveyed better.

Also, I feel like this definitely isn't the first time people have said the "humans wear masks" thing. I've seen tons of poems with that idea, so in order to stand out from the crowd you have to really be creative with the subject.

Alrightt sorry if any of this came out as harsh. I really see potential in you and I know your capable of writing AMAZING poems just based on the language you used in this one!! I enjoyed reading this, thank you




User avatar
200 Reviews


Points: 14056
Reviews: 200

Donate
Sun Sep 06, 2020 4:42 pm
LittleLee wrote a review...



Hey there, oceans!

The title caught my eye, and I wasn't disappointed. Your poem is a stark address to society today; the last lines especially made this clear, and they were my favourite. The whole "people wear masks" thing is a truth often disregarded while acknowledged. I like how you didn't make the poem didactic and tell readers to break free or something; you just stated things as they were.

I have a couple of nitpicks.

I don't like the structure of the poem very much. Every line ends very abruptly, and while reading I could only note how the poem seems to be... jagged. In the sense, there is no smooth flow; a sentence begins and ends so suddenly I don't register it the way I ought to. The first stanza especially was disconcerting. It had three lines, and the sentences were too choppy to be part of the rest of the poem.

they pull and lead

like turning pages absorbed in

distant whispers.

I don't get the simile here at all. It just doesn't work.

Like saints endow their lives

to save,

The Act becomes routine.

...what exactly is the comparison you're trying to make? I'd say saints do so to convert people or spread goodness or whatever. Masks are worn for selfish reasons.


Otherwise, great topic, great diction. Just work on structure and the kind of similes you want to use. making the latter too vague disconcerts readers.

I hope this review was constructive, and not too critical! :D

- Lee





"Death is cheap, and so is life, but a reputation is not easily recovered."
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi