Published January 9, 2009
I always have this strange feeling when he's next to me,
But he doesn't always see who I am, what I feel, or what I want to be.
He's there because I can mostly feel his presence,
Although, I sometimes wish I didn't look so tense or act so dense.
Every day, I always find happiness and peace by looking through his eyes,
It's good to see most of him, without question if he's wearing a disguise.
Sometimes there are those days when we are apart,
But I will always have a place for him, here in my heart.
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138,561 Literary Works • 672,163 Reviews
Welcome to YWS!
Firstly, it's worth saying that love poems are very common on YWS, so it's difficult to post one here and get an excellent review. Many people here are quite grumpy and/or dark, so they don't care much for love.
From this poem, however, you have shown a clear understanding of some popular poetic techniques (a clear structure, rhyming couplets, etc), which shows that you have a lot of potential.
I can't honestly say I found much that was special in this poem. It feels a bit generic, and average. But, and I know this sounds (or is) lame, but you seem to write from the heart (by which I mean you seem to write for the purpose of expressing yourself), so if you keep on going and improving, there's no reason why you can't become an excellent poet.