Okay, here we go. So I'm hoping to send this off to some literacy agencies very soon but these two chapters have changed quite a bit so a final opinion would be great. I have gone through this several times so if you do notice things that need to changing or don't sound right, let me know ^_^ Thank you!
Chapter 1
Alara
He’d been sat there for days, dimly staring at the papers in front of him. As the day turned from pale gray to dazzling orange to golden yellow, the man still didn’t shift an inch.
“Adonai!”
An angel appeared in the man’s vision. Her mouth was held in a grimace, her muscles bulging and a tremble in her wings. Only then did he tear his gaze from the papers.
With a melancholy expression, as if everything in the world was wrong, he managed to mumble the words, “Tesia, please, I wish to be alone.”
“You have sulked long enough.” She countered.
“My people have died and I wish to mourn. I do not call that sulking, Tesia!” He bellowed, though his voice cracked halfway through.
“You are the God of tranquillity. You have a job to your people to keep them safe and you can’t do that sitting here feeling sorry for yourself. Now, you are going to get yourself up, washed and dressed so you can meet with Ash and Jade.”
He raised one eyebrow until Tesia slammed a little black book into his desk.
“It says so in your book, the thing you have neglected to look at for the past 3 days!” She shouted.
The smooth pages flicked against his thumb as he turned to today’s date. Scrawled there was indeed the words Meeting with Ash and Jade.
He sighed heavily. Today isn’t going well he thought.
The tension left her face and the edges of her lips creased slightly as she perched herself on the edge of the desk. “Look, I know these attacks were awful. They will be forever etched in my brain… but your people need you, the whole universe needs you.” She placed her hand on the side of his face and rubbed her thumb against his skin. “Come on, you need to get dressed.”
An hour later Adonai wandered slowly through the trees as amethyst leaves cascaded from the heavens around him. These leaves hung like grapes from a vast tree still a distance away. They rustled in the breeze, swaying in gentle circular moments. The tree, known as the Nevoo, stood proud and tall. Adonai craned his neck through he could not see the top as they were covered by the clouds. Unfortunately for Adonai that was his destination.
However, all this beauty couldn’t stop his thoughts from turning a bitter black. Adonai tried his best not to remember the carnage, though gradually they crept through his head.
The God of Chaos had been on the offensive over the last couple of months but three days past it had come to a head. Three of wizards and one witch had been killed in a brutal attack.
He swallowed the lump in his throat as a certain memory entered his mind. He tried, he really tried, not to think about it but it had already taken over and he was thrust back into the past. 8 billion past.
“Lucifer!” Adonai shouted. He peered into gaps, looking around the alcoves and sneaking up on unsuspecting plants. “Where are you, my little monkey?”
Why had he agreed to play this game again? Lucifer was too old to be playing these games yet here Adonai was, encouraging him!
As the laughter past, he travelled up the stairs to his father’s study.
As he approached the grand doors, he steadied his breathing and knocked. Minutes passed as Adonai waited, hands trembling with memories of broken arms and black bruises.
Knocking again, there was still no answer. Something was shuffling about, and another noise, one he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Pushing the door open so only a low creaked could be heard, he entered an unfamiliar place. Everything was coated in blood and as his eyes moved across the room he saw his father. He laid in the centre of the room, cold to the touch, the steady flow of his breathing non-existent. The cause was situated at the heart… a black ball of twisting matter eating away at what lay underneath.
As he surveyed the scene, his eyes resting on everything apart from what lay at the centre, he realised he wasn’t alone. Across the room, cloaked all in black, stood a figure.
“Lucifer?” he whispered, not knowing why he called for a brother who was clearly not there.
But the horrid thing was… that he stood right before him, blood dripping from his finger, jagged bones and severed skin protruding from his back.
“What have you done?” His voice cracked as Lucifer’s form disappeared.
Tears choked his throat as the memory of that day left him hollow inside. The day where everything changed. The day he realised his brother was no longer the innocent child he remembered. The day Adonai became the God of Tranquillity and Lucifer… the God of Chaos.
He halted, his knees felt weak and his breathing became uneven and shaky. Resting himself against the tree, he took deep, steady breaths. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. After a few minutes he heaved himself up and set about putting one foot in front of the others. Although unsteady at first he entered the clearly with none being the wiser.
He now stood right before the grand Nevoo. Its branches swooped down so close to the ground a child could easily reach and touch it rough surface.
The Nevoo wasn’t just a tree, it was a home. Upon its pale cream surface were hundreds of windows in which Adonai could see people. From the smells drifting towards him, it was almost lunch time. In the dining area, he could see many Alarians sat on cushions chatting and laughing to each other.
Birds sat high up in the tree tweeting to each other, filling the crisp air with their cheerful song. There were flowers upon the tree, all different varieties, lilies, roses, lotuses and many more. They varied in different shades from an electric shade of plum to a vivid scarlet.
Off in the distance, a class huddled around a dusty, beaten circle where two people were training.
There were no swords in sight, just two sets of fists constantly moving. The man sent a punch in the women’s direction with such force it made the air ripple. Wosh! However, the attack had left him wide open. The women dodged the attack with ease, effortlessly pivoting on her left foot and kicking out with her right. Dust was upheaved as the man fell to the floor, eyes wide, mouth hanging open.
As he was helped up, he managed to mutter “best of three?” The woman smirked, hands on hips, before saunteringaway.
“You're late by six hours,” someone behind Adonai said in a stern tone.
Jade, the Goddess of Nature, stood gazing at him with those luminous eyes, dazzling like emeralds. Her lips were tightly closed and her arms crossed but Adonai could see the laughter in her eyes.
Behind her stood Lily, Jade’s bodyguard. Her eyes were alert and constantly moving, accessing everything around her for sighs of potential danger. She eyed a group of males passing, glaring at one in particular who smiled back with a wink.
“Today hasn’t been favourable.” Or that was what Adonai wanted to express but instead he muttered “Sorry”.
Finally, Adonai arrived at the top. The room he was now in was homely, and as he moved further in warmth greeted him from a roaring fire. It gave him some comfort after crawling and clawing his way up the tree.
He looked over to where the man was settled by the fireplace. Ash, the God of Nature and Jade’s mate. Beside him proudly sat what appeared to be a monster. Well to put it nicely, he was a nenoba. He had a big, fluffy teal mane with turquoise stripes across his body and was as large hippo. Adonai approached the beast with careless steps, knelling in front of him.
“How’s my fluffy friend doing?” Adonai teased.
A growl emanated from the nenoba. The hair on its back ascending with outrage as its mouth peeled back to revel pink gums and razor-sharp teeth. Before Adonai realised the nenoba had already ponced, throwing Adonai to the floor.
Ash began to howl with laughter at Adonai’s wide eyes and pale complexion. “Watch it, Adonai, you’ll lose an arm.”
“Hmm, don’t tempt me, nephew,” the nenoba chortled, licking Adonai’s face with his bristled tongue.
“Hello Hu, mind letting me up?”
“Is that fear I hear in your voice? Is our little God scared of a big old pussycat?” he mocked in a high mocking voice.
Adonai rose unsteadily and trudge over to the window seat, wiping cat saliva off his face. As the hours ticked by, Ash and Jade sat in the corner holding hands, the world outside began to change. A steady trickle of people, like a colony of ants, filled the woodlands around the Nevoo.
Here in Alara, the season were changing from warm to a bitter cold. The flowers kept descending from the tree, drifting where the wind took them before landing on the water that surrounded the tree. The leaves of the tree had begun to darken and wither as a chill set into the air. Fewer animals could be distinguished within the dim lighting of the trees beyond.
Adonai’s mind drifted back to Lucifer. He had yet to tell them what had happened but he knew he couldn’t keep it from them. They took the news calmly, occasionally nodding their heads. He could see the turmoil within their eyes, the fearful glances, the bobbing of their throats. They held each other’s hands so tightly their knuckles were white. Once he was gone, he knew the true emotions would reveal themselves.
? Like how homely? It's telling here, and some showing would be nice.
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