God.
He whose art reigns supreme.
Their greatest craft is forever inferior.
A flick of the wrist, a twirl of the finger,
A sweep of the cloak, a pressure on the trigger,
Could lead to absolute destruction.
There are a thousand paths to darkness.
They’re easier than living.
Why shouldn’t he? Who says he can’t?
He feels in his flawless heart,
That it is his purpose.
It fills him with delight,
A pure satisfaction to witness his own perfection.
In the taking of life,
He feels alive.
These violent thrills
Are the missing piece for him.
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139,274 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
It frightens humans to see God's true face, so we fashion a mask of hope and benevolence for him.
Hello obscureoracle! I'm syz and I'll be reviewing this piece here using the Review Monster! created by the lovely @/Avian! :)
The Glowing Eyes: First Impressions!
What’s that glowing thing in the distance? Oh! It’s this goofy monster’s eyes, ready to give first impressions on this lovely piece!
As an agnostic person, religious imagery and honestly just the way other people interpret religion has always been intriguing to me. I think this poem does such a good job of hitting on the fact that God isn’t always benevolent or kind. The poem is haunting with its imagery and your word choice and I am all for it.
The Fluffy Fur: Things I Loved!
For the soft, fluffy fur today I have a list of all the things I loved. It’s a rather short list, simply because I loved the entirety of this poem. Your imagery, the sort of detached lens you’re viewing religion through. It’s almost like you’re praising him and condemning him at the same time. It’s beautiful. Your word choice is spectacular, dark and prodding at all the right places to make it haunting.
The Roar: Favorite Lines!
RAWR! My favorite part, your favorite part, everyone’s favorite part! The rooar. Can I just say all of them or would that be considered cheating. Well, if I can’t choose all of them, I’ll simply pick out a few.
For the first one,
I just love the image it paints. You have thousands of paths to lead you astray, each one dark and gloomy and wrong, but sometimes doing or saying the wrong thing is the easier option. It’s easier to stumble through the dark than fumble through the light, y’know?
Another quote I quite enjoyed was
Almost paradoxical, but not quite. He’s taking life and in the process that’s what makes him feel alive. Which when you think of conventional humans, that’s not really what happens. We guilt and we sorrow and we shame, but this is God we’re talking about. He has no need for those feelings and I kind of feel like this line accentuates that point that God isn’t human and why would he need to be? He’s God.
The Sharp, Yellow Teeth: A Bit of Advice!
Everybody’s worst nightmare, the teeth in the closet. Honestly, I don’t have much to say negatively about this piece other than a few personal nitpicks. Obviously, these are just my opinions and you have to take nothing to heart.
Let’s start (and probably end with) the one thing that really stood out to me was the lack of capitalization He and Him, which normally would be fine but we are talking about a very prominent religious figure here. If the whole poem was in lowercase, I could see it potentially being discarded for stylistic purposes but since it’s not, I think that any “he” “him” should be capitalized since well, usually that’s what you see with religious imagery. Completely personal opinion though, since I know that technically there’s no “right” way of doing it.
Stomping Away: Closing Thoughts!
I really liked this poem! It was well-written, and captured the darker side of religious figures quite beautifully. I do wish to see more from you someday! Have a great review day! :3
Syz signing off with a yeehaw! Go Cowfolks!
Hey there! Coming in for a short review!
First thoughts:
While reading this, I noticed several parts where I thought, "Hmm.. This doesn't rhyme.." But then somehow, you tweaked it and manipulated it to rhyme. You made it happen right when I would least expect it and that was fascinating to me. I thoroughly enjoyed that.
Overall Structure:
I liked the way you built the poem. Many people choose to think that God is a mighty figure who rules over heavy and is kind to all. That he is helpful and generous. But you put him in a different light that is both dark and heavy, but could also very well be a way of religious thinking. You did this in such a way, by manipulating these words into a haunting poem that sits so satisfyingly well in the soul. While this poem was short, it was still a pleasant read, even if it was cold and dark.
Tips:
I think you did an overall good job writing this piece, I just think the format messed with it a little. There is no real line that tells you when a new stanza had started and that was a tad confusing. The YWS format does this and removes the indents, I have problems with it a lot, but it is beneficial to go through and push your line breaks down and add 5-ish spaces at the beginning for your indent/starter. It would make it look a lot more clean and less jumbled.
Summary:
Overall, this was an amazing poem and it was incredibly enjoyable! Even though it was a hauntingly dark use of words, it was still a pleasant read! That is all for now, I hope you have/are having a wonderful day/night!!
~Taost