The depth of people
Rarely amuses me
Their empty souls
Their battered hearts fenced in
By the pains and sorrows of the past
Guarded and detached
From the outside, from reality
Forced to reveal itself every now and then
But quickly concealed
As fear of being discovered becomes too much to bare,
Too much to accept, even to oneself
Fear is the culprit for our lack of life
Fear itself is fearful
The fear of how powerful the intangible can be
The fear of the unexpected and unknown
That keeps us forever in wonder
Forever in wonder and forever unsatisfied
Keeping us, trapping us, withholding us
From being human
From having feelings, from being imperfect,
Struggling or depending on one another
From standing hand in hand and moving forward together
Accepting the past as it is
And creating the future as we desire
As we need
As our soul yearns for us to do so,
Without the constraint of fear.
And this is life
This is human
This is beauty.
The weightless feeling of my body;
I know I have just overcome fear
I haven't felt it yet, but sometimes I get a glimpse
It is beautiful, it is fascinating, it is divine
One day I will be there
And I will hold the hand of another
And we will see each other for anything and everything that we are
Without the constraint of fear.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hey!
I like the topic that was chosen. I mean fear is a great topic because it's relatable and everyone experiences it. I mean I think that it has great details about fear: the feelings, the restrain, everything. I like the image of the constraint. It pulling you back. I like the part that says "And this is life this is human This is beauty." The ending seems a tad bit choppy but other than that I don't see any major issues. I mean I think that it seems to have a weird rhythm and flow to it. Maybe use less common words for more detailed words. other than that I enjoyed the poem and I hope you write more!
Sarah24
Imagine a river or a stream with clear blue water.
And it flows in one direction very smoothly except for a few turns here and there, and some jagged rocks sticking up.
This was what your poem reminded me of. There were many many many pros that would take me forever to list all of. And there are some misleading parts that may need to be clarified.
I'm going to start with the cons.
1. Like the reviewer before me said: there was a major contradiction that I had trouble understanding, which was the human problem Aretmis28 was referring to. I happen to notice this too, but you probably already know about it thanks to her, so moving on.
2. I couldn't tell what the character thought about the human emotion-fear. I couldn't tell what the narrator take is on fear. The narrators perspective on the emotion itself was vauge and unclear to me. However, I may need to read it over a few times to discover it.
For the positive:
There's a lot.
Let me just say it was very well writ and extremly impressive/expressive.
I really appreciate poetry with a lot of thought and I could tell this one had A LOT of thought AND hard work put into it.
So yeah!
I look forward to reading more of your work later.
Hey, Artemis28 for a review four days before Christmas!
I want to talk about your lack of punctuation. In this whole poem, you have exactly three period. Sometimes, it's a style choice, but it feels like a giant run-on sentence. The line breaks are quite choppy, so you can try to make them smoother as well.
You also have a contradiction within your poem. You say that fear keeps people from being human... and later you say that fear itself is human. That's quite a large contrast, npaijuk--it'd be better if you amended that.
Overall, I don't have much to say. The subject is very ideal--living without "the constraint of fear." I'm not sure if that is legitimately possible, but it's appealing to the reader. Very nice job on this, npai! Keep writing!
XOX,
Artemis28
This is ZeldaIsShiek back for another review on general poetry! Today I will be going over everything from the poem's emo feel to your choice of words! Let's begin, shall we?
First off, let's go over the good things I have to say about this poem. I thought it was very well written, and it feels like something that could be in a 'my big book of poems' for older children. I liked your word choice for the most part, but more about that later. As for the errors or mistakes in this poem, there are a few big ones to go over. Let's do that.
I noticed that most of your word choice was spot on. It was not too complicated for younger readers, but not too dull for older ones, either. Despite this, there were times that I felt underwhelmed by the word choice. This is just me, though. It's not a really big problem in the long run. You also made a prose error on the line 'this is beauty,' but we can talk about that later. Overall, there was only one main issue with this poem.
When I put this through the plagiarism detector, it detected that 10 lines were plagiarized, resulting in 108% plagiarism. Did you just copy a poem from another site, or did you post it elsewhere? Please respond to this. If it is yours, then good work to you or good work to the writer.
TLDR: Good work, one major error, did you plagiarize? Please respond.
-Harrison
I did not pull anything from anywhere. This is 100 percent from my brain. Thank you for your comments.
Okay, thank you. I think it found it on this site.
Your poem flows like a stream,Smooth and beautiful.It seems more than a poem of a young writer.It seems it has been written by a person with years of experience.It has now become one of my personal favourites too.
I feel I am feeling a shortage of words to describe my love for the poem.I loved it so much because it is so relatable. Everyone wants to experience a life without the shadow of fear..