I paint my tears, upon the root,
to make me grow such fine fruit.
Lick the sun, ravish the earth,
Gorge myself, for all my worth.
I am a flower, of sour soul.
Yet, I play such a wicked role.
I kill and eat, eat and grow,
Just a reminder so you know,
Im the one, who lives in the soil,
With the sun and sea so very loyal!
Ill look upon you, with humoured eyes,
as my ego does rise and rise.
But i will die. That is innevitable.
But my heart is quite inheritable.
I shall release my seeds, into the grass,
So i cant continue to be a pain in the ass!
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,427 Reviews
WOAH! Thanks for all the review's guys!
Aha, I'm always getting told off for not capatalizing my /I/'s!
Oh, poop. Sorry about the spelling mistake on 'innevitable' should've been 'inevitable' i'll remember that for sure now
AHHHHHHHH! Yes, I meant can O_O What a silly typo!
Thanks for all the positive comments, also, I did intend this to either look at a weed, or for some people, they could easily relate this to a person/people they might know!
Here's my re-edited version!~
I paint my tears, upon the root,
to make me grow such fine fruit.
Lick the sun, ravish the earth,
gorge myself, for all my worth.
I am a flower, of sour soul.
Yet, I play such a wicked role.
I kill and eat, eat and grow,
just a reminder so you know,
I'm the one, who lives in the soil,
with the sun and sea so very loyal!
I'll look upon you, with humoured eyes,
as my ego does rise and rise.
But I will die, that is inevitable.
But my heart is quite inheritable.
I shall release my seeds, into the grass,
So I can continue to be a pain in the ass!
Thanks guys!~
You have mastered the use of quick wit- the last stanza was particularly amusing.
I also like how you break you lines in half;
The punctuation balances it all and makes it easy to read - Keep it up
However I did find the rhyme scheme a touch forced at time, which was a shame as the rest of your poem I truly enjoyed. Try to focus less on rhyme you can create the same sort of seamless flow by incorporating careful syllable combinations into your stanzas.
Nicoke
xx
Hello. So I'm here to review, though I'm not good. But I'll do my best.
Well, you don't have so many errors, just simple apostrophes and capitalizations. And about your poem, it's very good. It's very funny, I think, the last part of your poem. It was interesting, and enjoyable. Rhyming is also good.
Keep it up!
-darkangel_05
I really liked that line.
I enjoyed it, it was funny and interesting. The last line caught me off guard and I just giggled at that. The vocab. you used in each stanza was used well. You also have a rhythmical flow that adds a good taste to this. It's fun, and I thought it was pretty cool ;] Sorry I don't have anything atleast mildly critical to say.. but Nice jobb! Keep writing
~Skyy.
Hi Nova,
First of all, make sure to capitalize your I's. I'm not sure about inevitable and inheritable. You might try out some other rhyming schemes for that. Also, I would join "I will die." and "That is inevitable." into one sentence. And inevitable only has one n. For the last sentence, I think you meant "So I can continue to be a pain in the ass!"Nice poem. I like your use of comedy!
Nice work overall!
Sarebear
Well, hello there Nova. I liked this poem very much. It was witty and quick and very true. I am not fond of weeds either
Love this a lot. It's my favourite stanza. Great job hey.
Sincerely yours, Ziggie