Dreams.

by nova

Published June 29, 2010

Just... yeah. Writing my feelings always seems to help in some situations.

I didn't plan to fall for you, you see,
It just occurred.
You beautiful, but the dire situation...
Is absurd.
You need my friend, not me it seems.
Yet I need you.

You dreamed of happiness, I've seen it in your eyes.
I do to.
Yet your happiness is him and rather not me.
Yes... I knew.
You cant be with me, I understand that now.
There's nothing I can do.
But there is only one thing I can try.
To say I'm in with love you.

Thanks for reading. :superman:

Comments & reviews · 5
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FireandIce326
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FireandIce326 commented Comment · Jul 16, 2010

I liked this, but for my personal taste, the rythem wasn't there. Prehaps thats how you wanted it, idk. But other than that it was good!

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nova
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nova commented Comment · Jul 1, 2010

:) Thanks. Yes, well, I try to make my poems hit home. :xd:

DisturbedDisorder wrote a review Review · Jul 1, 2010

Hi There!~

Well, Lil_Pau took care of mostly everything, so I'll just skip to what I liked. ^.^

The emotion was really...sad in this poem. It was almost like you could feel the pain of the person you love loving another person. So sad.. :'(

But I did really like the poem! Keep it up!~

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nova
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nova commented Comment · Jun 29, 2010

Thanks! :)

I really need to overlook my poems! :P

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Lil_Pau
Review
Lil_Pau wrote a review Review · Jun 29, 2010

Hey there, nova! I'm here to review your poem!

Nitpicks:

nova wrote:You beautiful, but the dire situation...
Is absurd.

It's supposed to be "you're beautiful." And there's no need for a "..." after "situation."

nova wrote:I do to.

It's "too," not "to." :)

nova wrote:Yes... I knew.

I think "knew" should be changed to "know," because the person's realizing something at that moment. So using "knew" makes the incident sounds as if it happened way back.

nova wrote:But there is only one thing I can try;
To say I'm in with love you.

It's "in love with you." :P

Despite the typos, I thought this poem was not bad. Perhaps I'm still under a rock, but I haven't been seeing a lot of love-triangle-themed poetry lately, so I found this a refreshing read. The rhyming is also all right. Sometimes when people attempt to rhyme in a poem, it'll sound quite forced, but here it was fine.

Using fancy or flowery language isn't really necessary in a poem, but I thought that your poem would be better if you had used some expressions, such as metaphors. The words you used are a little too generic, as if it's just normal text. A poem is like art, and it should paint a picture in the reader's mind.

Overall, not bad. I'd like to see more!
Keep writing :D



That awkward moment when you jump out a window because your friend jumped out a window, then you remember that your other friend can fly.
— Rick Riordan, The Ship of the Dead