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Prologue

by notmaria


There are very few moments that I remember perfectly. I mix my memories with dreams or versions that I've changed so the people I'm telling will pity me less. Sometimes, I remember a situation absolutely clearly but I forget what I felt in them, becoming an objective viewer of my own experiences. Whatever the case may be, my memories are usually corrupted, distorted, or faded.

There is one particular moment that I can recall every detail of, right down to the tears drying on my face and my shaking fingers.

I can tell you that it was a clear night, and all the stars were out and twinkling. I can describe how the rough concrete surface of the roof felt under my bare feet. I can even name the temperature of the wind that whipped across my face.

I can explain how utterly hopeless Lorelai sounded as broken sobs fell past her lips.

But no words can ever tell of the desperation that I felt in that very second, as I prayed to every god above that I was just stuck in a nightmare.

And I was. But I was also wide awake.


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279 Reviews


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Thu Jan 03, 2019 10:12 pm
Horisun wrote a review...



This is very well written, I loved how you slipped the description of the surroundings without making it sound awkward. That's something I constantly struggle with. It was beautiful and mysterious in some ways, I loved it.
However, I do wish there was a little more. Sometimes short and sweet is great, but I think in this case, a little more detail would be great.

Overall, this was great, and I look forward to reading more. You have me hooked!
As always, keep writing!




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5 Reviews


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Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:39 pm
remyrin wrote a review...



This is so beautifully written, and makes me enchanted by your writing. I want to know more about the story, but I wish there was more. You draw the reader in to know more, but it would be nice to have a longer hook. I'm in love with this though, and can't wait to read more of what you have in store for this story. I want to know who the main character is. Who is Lorelai, and why is she sobbing? Everything intrigues me, and I just want more.




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57 Reviews


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Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:18 am
1nspire wrote a review...



Oh my gosh, this was so amazing!!! As soon as I read the first sentence, I was intrigued. The importance of a strong beginning to a story cannot be overstated and you absolutely nailed it. I've read this over and over again trying to find something to criticize, but there isn't a single word that I would change.

I look forward to reading more about this character, and for more clarity about the situation. The suspense was perfect, just enough to keep me intrigued, but also not giving to much away.

I can wait to read more of your work, amazing job on this piece!!!




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Thu Aug 09, 2018 12:03 am
Clairia wrote a review...



Hello there! Arden here to leave you a review!

(I find it easier to analyze pieces from top to bottom in order to get everything that may be helpful to you out there more efficiently, so let me start by doing that!)

There are very few moments that I remember perfectly. I mix my memories with dreams or versions that I've changed so the people I'm telling will pity me less.

Huh. This is a very interesting beginning. The impression I get from it is that in some way you've gone through something that affected you deeply and you hide behind your own versions of "dreams" and sugarcoating them in order to keep others from inquiring too deeply. It intrigued me.

Sometimes, I remember a situation absolutely clearly but I forget what I felt in them, becoming an objective viewer of my own experiences.

You have quite a way with words. I also found this fascinating as well, being a spectator (well, rather someone watching who doesn't have a personal connection to the situation) of your own memories/experiences.

Whatever the case may be, my memories are usually corrupted, distorted, or faded.

I wonder why this is? Is it because you chose not to reflect on them truthfully? Or is there another reason?

There is one particular moment that I can recall every detail of, right down to the tears drying on my face and my shaking fingers.

This line caught my eye. It played a large role in hooking me further into this piece.

I can tell you that it was a clear night, and all the stars were out and twinkling. I can describe how the rough concrete surface of the roof felt under my bare feet. I can even name the temperature of the wind that whipped across my face.

Well spoken, smooth, overall pleasing use of description.

I can explain how utterly hopeless Lorelai sounded as broken sobs fell past her lips.

An alarming line following a somewhat soothing paragraph. Who is Lorelai? What caused her distress? What will the character do in terms of reacting? What more will I be given as the reader regarding the situation?

But no words can ever tell of the desperation that I felt in that very second, as I prayed to every god above that I was just stuck in a nightmare.

And I was. But I was also wide awake.

A good ending to a short glimpse inside our protagonist's troubled past. Left me hungry for more.

I enjoyed this quite a lot! Thank you so much for sharing!

Arden





Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.
— Emily Dickenson