Published June 11, 2008
A prozac-like smile
That could stretch about a mile
Greeted me in my own house
'Hello!' he beamed
As he popped out from behind the door
My mind giggled happily
I shall wait no more.
Hope you dudes (and dudettes) like it.
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139,456 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
I agree with SimplyPersnikety; the titles endeared me to think this would be something really good - filled with description, yet I was disappointed by the length of it and the lack of description.
Lengthen it and add more description - this could be good
I like the subject but it's WAY to short. it feels like you just stopped right in the beginning of the poem. I'd really like to read more of it but there isn't more! Another thing is that you forgot your punctuation! and when someone's taking you use a quotation mark ( " ) If you add more and use punctuation then I think this poem could turn out to be something! =)
I felt slightly underwhelmed after reading the title and then reading this. You only seemed to focus on when you first saw him; so how is this any different than someone simply writing about their brother simply popping out behind a door when they haven't been away? It didn't speak to me, because you didn't show enough. Firstly, you need to broaden this poem's message. Has he changed? Is he just the same? Have your feelings changed, or only proved to deepen? Then use some poetic devices- alliteration, personification, more imagery, dramatic irony. It will speak to a wider range of people.