Abuse

wow that is awesome! i like the flow of it, but the first lines seem a little off.
but really great poem

Well, it was good natured poetry.
I loved the first line very much.
No, make it the first four lines, still it lacks composed breaks which is really necessary for the structure.
Sometimes, a nice structure can make it sound good.

regards,
blakey789

Hey there nomadpenguin.

I really like this poem, it's funny. I was laughing a while, haha.

I once heard a poet say that
the pen is a living creature

I will admit I was expecting something that was utter rubbish. Instead, you gave me something, that is really, quite hilarious.
The first two paragraphs were a bit draggy, and I'd probably not have read the poem if I hadn't see that it was only 3 paragraphs.
For all I love this part:
"bearing signs in their hands
and murder in their eyes."
I think the ending was a little stilted. Awkward. I don't know. It just didn't leave me satisfied. (or maybe that's just cause it was the ENDING)

All in all, good work.

Keep Writing,

Sherlock.

Thank you everyone for all the reviews! In regard to line breaks, I was conducting a little experiment here that obviously did not work out. If you read my other poems, you will see that I usually follow the natural flow of speaking, speeding up and slowing down with longer and shorter lines. In this poem, I tried to make each line (close) to the same number of syllables (8). Seeing as this did not work for anybody, I won't do it again. Thank you again!

nomadpenguin,

That took a few seconds, but I can't stop laughing at your poem. Don't worry, the animal rights activists are after me too...I just buried my pen the other day. *cries*
Time to be serious again, once I stop chuckling. The line breaks in some spots were just weird. It seemed like you were taking a paragraph of text and saying 'hmm, a break should be here so this line isn't too long, and maybe one here...' Maybe think about the breaks more, reading it aloud and seeing where you pause naturally, also seeing how it sounds with aforementioned breaks?
The title did have me expecting something totally different, more conventional perhaps, but I can totally see what you meant with it now that I've read the poem.
The first two stanzas were boring, and I could easily see how, if they'd been longer, someone could have given up reading. But because of the length, you get through them quickly enough to get to the good part. But, every stanza should count for something. Make them a worthwhile read as well.
I liked how in the second stanza, you used food related adjectives, like snuffling and scrumptious. It lead right up to your last stanza.
Great work and never quit writing!

Nomadpenguin,

I've never met you before and that makes me sad *follows*

Ahem, anyways! Let's get straight to this poem. On a technical level, watch your breaks. There are places where you break on "of" or "that" and I'm wondering, why are you breaking the poem there? I just felt it was a bit arbitrary/weak. My suggestion for you would be to experiment with your breaks a bit and try out the different effects. But enough about that. Let's get to the content!

So. I'll be completely honest with you, I read the first line of this poem and I was groaning, because if there are two things that EVERY writer will write about it will be 1) love and 2) writing. So yeah, I saw your title and I clicked on this expecting a totally different poem. The first two stanzas kind of exhibit a shrug from me, it's like - I know where this is going, I've seen this before, I'm bored with it already...ad then I get to the last stanza <3 and I just burst out laughing. <3 THIS! So true and so funny and so not what I was expecting. I just thought that stanza was very clever, witty and a nice commentary on activists in general, so definitely love that.

My only miff is that I shouldn't have to trudge through the rest of the poem before I get to the loveliness of that stanza. It's almost as though the first two stanza's only purpose was to build up to that last one. See your poem as a whole, not for the effect! If it helps, I would nix all those useless adverbs and adjectives, ie everlasting, scrumptiously, perfect, etc. If you think about it, these words really contribute nothing to the poem. And in your first stanza, obviously words are written, so there's no need to say "written words".

I hope this helps any. Good luck with your writing endeavors.

~ As always, Audy

Hello. An interesting little poem and I can definitely see the Collins influence.

-"I once heard a poet say that
the pen is a living creature"
--The first line is a little weak, only because it's distant and doesn't draw us immediately. Try a little bit more active voice here and I think it will work better (meaning have the poet literally telling you as opposed to you "once heard it".

-"snuffling across my blank sheet of
paper in its everlasting
search for that perfect adjective,
that scrumptiously formed metaphor."
-- You get a little adjective-heavy here, which I don't think is intentionally ironic in their use. If you are trying to be ironic about your metaphor use, then I suggest making it more obvious. If not, then I suggest you cut down on your adjective use, especially when they don't particularly seem quite fitting to the nouns that they describe.

-"my pen must be no more than bones"
--More certainty would fit the metaphor better-- "my pen is no more than bones"

-"bearing signs in their hands
and murder in their eyes."
--I rather like this image, but I would be a little careful as it seems kind of judgmental. I think you need to give us a little more of the "abuse" that your title suggests. Perhaps tie the pen/animal metaphor to a form of slavery, thus legitimizing the reaction.

I know it's intended to be a little humorous, like Collins, but I still think you need a little more to make it justified and can still hold onto the humor.

Feel free to message with any questions.