From the Nothingness

    The night was aged and the moon was halved. The stars were dull and hidden by the clouded sky. The street was quiet and well lit by street lamps and garage lights. I walked through a pool of florescent light then back into the dark. I enjoyed the dark. There were houses on both sides of the street. I walked passed them. I passed through several more florescent light pools. It was a warm night. I was meeting a friend of mine at this playground across the street from my neighborhood. His name was Vinnie.

    I got to the end of the street – where a four way intersection met. I crossed and went right. It was poorly lit and only made darker by a cloud eclipsing the moon. I felt safe there in the dark as I walked. The crickets chirped and the world was asleep and I walked in the shadows. I studied the sky as I walked. I looked at the dark clouds and the moon light that protruded through the eclipsing cloud. I traveled from star to star trying to connect a constellation. The Big Dipper looks like a pan I thought, but I couldn't find it.

    I reached the gate of my neighborhood. There were those automatic car gates that resembled horizontal poles. There was a small guard house. The door was close and the windows were tinted. The area was well soaked in florescent light and I had to squint as I passed. The moon was still undergoing it's cloud eclipse. I walked to the edge of the sidewalk – where the boulevard began. The boulevard was calm and I crossed it without looking. The world was so beautiful when it was asleep.

    I entered a small complex that consisted of a church, an office building, a parking lot, a field, basketball court, and a playground. The church was a small community job and was closest to the boulevard. It had a few stain glass windows that reflected beautifully during the day, but at night were dark and mysterious. The office building was across from it. It was dull and tan and ugly. I crossed through the parking lot, avoiding the fluorescent pools. The playground was passed the most northern tip of the parking lot, the field was west of the parking lot, and the basketball court was west of the playground. There were picnic tables positioned around the playground. I sat at one closest to the parking lot. There were trees nearby which during the day provided excellent shade; however, at night it blackened the area into nothingness. The cloud had passed the moon and it shined down again. I waited there in the blackness.

    I was alone and it was calm there. I was safe in the nothingness. It's funny how light and color work. There's color, only existing via light, and light, that's only reason for existence is color. In the nothingness, there was neither and I was content. I looked down and closed my eyes, and couldn't tell the difference.

    The peace ended with the sound of walking against pavement. I opened my eyes and looked up. I saw a body walking towards me from the same direction I had come. Vinnie. His silhouette was colored as he swam through the fluorescent ponds I had avoided. He wore a white t shirt and  jeans. He walked swiftly and I watched him from my table. When he approached the nothingness his silhouette reached into his pocket and produced a phone. He brightened the screen and turned it towards me.

    “There you are.”

    “Turn the light off.” I said covering my face. “I'm going blind.”

    He laughed and we greeted. He sat next to me.

    “How'd you get out?” He asked digging into his pocket. He took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

    “I walked out. My parents were asleep.” I took the cigarette he was offering.

    “I went through my window. Had to take out the screen and all.”

    “Wow. You're a real James Bond.”

    He chuckled as he lit his then mine. I liked the way the tip burned in the dark. “You nervous?”

    “About what?” I took a drag.

    “Senior year.”

    I exhaled through my nose and watched the end burn some more before taking another drag.

    “No. Hell no.”

    He smiled and sucked at his cig. His embers glowed.

    “It'll be fun.”

    I tapped my cig and watched the burning ashes fall onto the table.

    “Yea. It's what's after that makes me nervous.”

    Vinnie looked at me. “Why?”

    “I don't know.”

    I rolled the cig between my fingers. I took another drag and watched it burn.

    “Yes you do. Lemme guess.” He took some smoke and exhaled quickly. “College.”

    “Sorta. It's mostly what's after college.”

    “What is after college?”

    I pressed my cigarette against the table. “Reality.” I threw the butt into the dark. Vinnie finished off his and lit a new pair. He took a long drag and I watched the end of mine burn. It looked beautiful against the dark.

    “Reality won't be that bad.”

    “What makes you say that?”

    I took a drag. The hot smoke filled my mouth and my tongue played with it. I exhaled.

    “I don't know. It just has to be.”

    “Why does it have to be?” I asked to the darkness.

    “Because if it wasn't everyone wouldn't be so damn obsessed with getting to it.”

    “I feel bad for all those people. The ones who spend all their time thinking about reality.”

    Vinnie exhaled. He was silent.

    “It's depressing.” I looked hard into the nothingness.

    Neither of us said anything after that. It was quiet, but not in the same way as before, when I was alone. We finished our cigarettes like that. Vinnie got up and walked over to the swings. He sat down and started swinging. The chain creaked as he moved back and forth. The moon soaked the swings in it's lunar light. He didn't look like a senior. He looked like a kid. I watched him pump back and forth and back and forth. I thought of when we were in middle school. We'd come here after school and see who could swing the highest. I smiled as I thought of those days.

    I got up and took the empty swing next to Vinnie. I started to swing. Another cloud covered the half moon. The air rushed to my face as I moved back and forth and back and forth. I went faster and higher. Vinnie and I shot each other glances – checking to see if the other was higher. I smiled, feeling good and happy; as the alternating creaks of our chains sang to the night we silently competed for our old tittle: the highest swinger on the playground.

    Vinnie won. We slowed and he lit two more cigarettes. The ends didn't burn as beautifully outside the shaded area. We smoked and reminisced of our swing days. The cloud still masked the moon. We spoke nostalgically and I felt old and tired. When my cig burnt itself out I flicked the roach away.

    “It's a nice night.”

    “It is.” I agreed.

    We looked up at the night.

    “You know any constellations?”

    “No.”

    “I know a few.” He pointed at the rouge stars and connected them into constellations. He knew the Big and Little Dipper, Leo, and Draco. He said it was too cloudy to see the rest.

    “They don't look like anything to me.”

    He laughed. “I know. They looked a lot cooler when we were little.”

    “Yea. At camp.”

    He smiled. “Yea. Camp Kahlulu.”

    “That place sucked.”

    Vinnie disagreed and advocated. I still thought it sucked. I looked at the playground. It was small and wild looking. It had slides and monkey bars and a rickety bridge and irregular stairs and in the light it looked weathered and sun beaten. I thought of all the times I'd played on it.

    “How long you think that playground has been there?”

    Vinnie turned and studied it. “Well... it was here when we were little. Maybe since always.”

    I looked passed it. “I hope so.”

    “What do you wanna be?”

    I yawned. “Asleep.”

    Vinnie laughed and pulled out a cigarette. He offered me one, but I declined.

    “I mean job wise. What do you wanna be when you grow up?”

    I got up from the swing. “I don't know.”

    He exhaled smoke. “What do you mean you don't know. You're gonna be a senior.”

    “That doesn't mean anything.” I said as I leaned against the frame of the swings.

    He took a deep drag.

    “What do you wanna be?” I asked.

    He blew into the air. “I was thinking an accountant.”

    I stared at him, astonished. “Since when?”

    “Since my Pop sat me down and talked to me.”

    “What did he say to make you wanna be an accountant?” I asked sheepishly.

    Vinnie ashed his cigarette. “He said that I should do something where I'll always have a job. He said I should have something comfortable like that. I thought accounting sounded pretty comfortable.”

    The half moon reappeared. I was dumbfounded. “I thought you wanted to be writer.”

    He looked down at his feet. “Yea, but -”

    “You love writing and you're really good at it. I swear. You make me read all your stories. I should know.”

    He didn't say anything. I swallowed and ran my hands through my hair.

    “You don't really want to be an accountant. You've always talked about being a writer.”

    The cigarette burned between his fingers. “There's no comfort in writing.” He said to his shoes.

    I looked at him desperately. “No one ever wrote because it was comfortable.”

    He looked up at me. His eyes were watery. “I know.”

    I was lost for words. He sniffled and wiped his eyes.

    “Let's go back to the table.” I suggested. “It's a lot nicer in the dark.”

    Vinnie nodded and got up. We walked back and sat down facing the playground.

    He offered me another cigarette. I took it and he lit it. I inhaled and blew the smoke out quickly.

    “I do know.” I watched the burning end of my cig as I said it. It burned beautifully again.

    “What?” He asked.

    “You asked before what I wanted to be and I said I didn't know, but I did. I was just embarrassed or afraid or something.”

    “Oh.”

    “Yea.”

    “What is it?”

    “A teacher.”

    He smiled at me. “You'd make one hell of a teacher.”

    I smiled back. “You'd make one hell of an accountant.”

    We laughed and smoked in the dark. Our ends burned red and beautiful against the nothingness.

    “I could stay here in the dark smoking and talking forever.” I said.

    “I'll smoke to that.” Vinnie and I took a drag. The smoke filled our lungs and tarred them good then when the damaged was done we exhaled into the dying night.