Iss raat ki aarzoo kabse lagayi thi
Din ke ujaale mein jab tune sanse churai thi
Khuda ki ibadat mein hath zaroor uthaye humne
Lekin honto par aapse Milne ki khwahish jatayi thi
Teri bahon mein mjhe zindagi mil gayi
Meri takdeer Teri kismat se judh gayi
Aaj Jana ki mohobatt khoobsoorat hai
Tere aane se main aur Haseen ho gayi
Woh pehli mulakat ka safar aaj bhi yaad h mujhe
Door se dekh kar chahne lagi thi tujhe
Nazarein jo mili lafzon ki kami padh gayi
Teri bahon mein mujhe zindagi mil gayi
Tjhko Khone ka khayaal jab dil mein aaya
Aankhe bandh karke tujhko khwaabon mein paya
Tera chehra mere kareeb aaya
Chhupkr kaano mein tune gun gunaya
Honto ko chukar mujhe inayat mil gayi
Teri bahon mein mujhe zindagi mil gayi
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hi dear, it is really good. Amazing work... Keep it up...loved it.
Thank you so much for your positive review
Hi there!
I don't know Hindi, but @Arcticus was kind enough to provide a translation of your poem for me in English so I could give you some feedback! I hope you'll get some feedback from some readers of Hindi who are better positioned to give you feedback on the original, especially since I'm sure there are probably things you can express in Hindi that can't be expressed in English, or at least not in the same way. For now, I hope you'll find my review helpful anyway!
First of all, here's Arc's translation, so you can see what I'm working with.
I love the refrain, "teri bahon mein mujhe zindagi mil gayi / in your arms, I found life." It's simple and sweet but paints a picture of a life-changing relationship in a single line.
Overall, the poem tends toward an idealized version of romantic love. It seems like something you could use for wedding vows or as a reading or song at a wedding. In particular, the first line, "iss raat ki aarzoo kabse lagayi thi / I've waited for tonight for so long," makes me think of the wedding night, although it doesn't necessarily have to refer to that. The lines "khuda ki ibadat mein hath zaroor uthaye humne / I did raise my hands in prayer to God" and "meri takdeer Teri kismat se judh gayi / my destiny is tied to yours now" also make it feel that way, because there is the sense that God or fate brought this couple together. This ties into the otherworldly feeling of the romance, which comes from the way it's spoken about, as if it's almost a dream.
I also like the line "Tere aane se main aur Haseen ho gayi / I've become more beautiful since I came to know you," because I like the idea that love improves the people in a relationship. Which I think is what actually happens in a good, healthy relationship.
The only line that confuses me a little is "Tjhko Khone ka khayaal jab dil mein aaya
/ When the thought of losing you crossed my mind," which is because it seems disconnected from the rest of the poem. Like I could infer a connection, based on the dreamlike quality of the romance and the way it completes the speaker - surely the thought of losing her lover would distress her beyond measure. But you go from this line into a dream where the speaker sees, hears, and kisses her lover. Which I guess could maybe be what happens when she thinks of losing her lover? Or even if she loses them, she wouldn't really lose them, because she'd find him in her dreams? But if that's the case, the connection is a little muddy and could some clearing up.
Overall, however, a lovely poem. Thanks for posting!
Thank you so much for appreciating my work and guiding me to improvise where its needed. I'm thankful to you for translating it for other readers also.
No problem, although @Arcticus was the one who translated it for me! I'm glad you found my review helpful
Great poem! It had really great flow, and the rhyming scheme was on-point. The poem itself was very touching, especially the "Teri bahon mein mujhe mil gayi." Overall, I think this poem was:
1. very well-crafted in terms of voice and structure
2. extremely insightful and emotionally touching
nishthabawa2896,
So beautiful! It's really nice!
I don't know what language this is, but do you think you could provide an English translation?
hey, it is Hindi language. it is about a girl expressing her love for her partner.
Yeah , it was beautiful .
thank you