z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Who I grew to become

by ninachro


When I was sixteen I was able to talk about things that mattered most to me to the first person I met. It didn’t really matter if I was complaining about boys, taking about how I will never perceive myself as good enough or how being abandoned by my father affects me. Life was easy; in every face I saw a different perspective to my problems, regarded people as cost-free shrinks, from whose opinions I was able to chose those that suited me most. Back then, confiding your personal stuff in complete strangers was considered perfectly normal. During parties, girls would talk in the toilet about their little personal dramas to people they saw for the first time. Hearing their opinions, they were on the verge of crying while colouring their lips. As time went by, it began to be harder and harder to open myself even to those I knew for years, tell them same meaningless stories I used to tell to complete strangers years ago. I would have rather died than show to anyone that I am capable of feelings, that I’m just like the others - weak and certain that I feel it all probably more profoundly than anyone else, that if you strike the right chord, I could fall into pieces within seconds. It didn‘t happen through the day. It didn’t wake up one day thinking „hey, from now on I will keep everything to myself, keep a distance around me to make it impossible for even the most persistent people to get to know me at all“. Was it because I don’t really trust anybody apart from myself or because creating this whole attitude of “ I don’t care about anything or anyone“ seemed to be far more easier than showing any kind of feeling, which I saw as weaknesses. It also wasn’t like I didn’t feel like talking to other people, it just felt like at this moment nothing really mattered to me, so to cut a long story short; there was nothing to talk about. Honestly, at the beginning, it felt perfect. I have never felt so strong in my entire life, there were no ups and downs, no bad or good days, just constancy. I could just walk through the streets smiling and singing “ can’t tell me nothing“ feeling like I made it to the next level, achieved the only thing that can bring me pure bliss- choosing my mind over my feelings, living without the fear of being hurt over and over again. In life sometimes we get to this point where we’ve just had enough of being hurt and being needy, when turning into an emotionless zombie sounds like a plan. Who wouldn’t like to stay on the safe side at night instead of crying till 4am or watching some dumb movie without looking at the phone every five seconds thinking: WHY HASN’T HE CALLED YET? I loved this strong and self-confident but as well vindictive version of me. Now it was so easy to break someone in a split second and then watch them being hurt like I was. Sometimes I sat at nights and asked myself how can I act so cruel and ruthless without any sign of remorse. But just like with New Year’s resolutions it took me about five to ten minutes to forget the whole thing. After a while I felt that this new lifestyle of mine might be not as perfect as I saw it. I felt so much anger inside me, and I had no idea what to do with it. I vented it through sports without punching people, but still it didn’t stop me from wanting to hit the first person that did something I didn’t like at the moment – it could be the hair, clothes, the sound of the voice or a facial expression. If I didn’t like it, I wanted to see it burn. It was a wake up call for me. Looking back, the only thing I could think of was what a parody of a life am I living. Switching my emotions off didn’t bring me happiness as I thought it would. It just turned me into angry twentysomething specializing in hurting others. Easier doesn’t necessarily mean better, and in this case stronger is simply synonymous for self-destructive.


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Mon Apr 01, 2013 1:17 am
noelsugarcube wrote a review...



great story, but seems more of a essay thingy or advice column article(yes, I mean this as a complement) rather than a short story. I figure that other people have told you that there are some grammar issues with this piece (the commas), so I won't go there. But the one thing a particularly like was the word "vindictive". I don't know what that means, and I'll look it up sometime, but I really think it was creative of you to use that word. I kind of feel the same way as the narrator of this story, just that I have different personalities in front different people (how is it the same? idk. Shut up other conscience).




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Sun Mar 31, 2013 5:17 pm
SushiSashimi333 wrote a review...



I love the message that you put into this story, it's so true. This is a good piece of writing because it's easy to relate to. The one thing that I didn't find favorable was the way that you formatted the piece, it made it difficult to read. Also there are some places where punctuation is needed, but those are just minor. I hope to ready some more, keep up the good work.




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Sun Mar 31, 2013 8:01 am
manisha wrote a review...



hey Nina!
Welcome to YWS and Happy review day! Be warned that I'm doing this review after a long long time and I might not be so apt or really that helpful. but I want Team Orange (aka Team blue) to win the trophy so there goes something.

Lets begin with the whole concept which I really love. I can so easily relate to this and your emotion is brought out rather well.

When I was sixteen I was able to talk about things that mattered most to me to the first person I met.


I think you missed a comma there, right after "mattered most to me"

It didn’t wake up one day thinking „hey, from now on I will keep everything to myself, keep a distance around me to make it impossible for even the most persistent people to get to know me at all“.


you obviously meant to put a quotation sign over there, before "hey, from now on.."
Its a typo.


I love this!
I felt so much anger inside me, and I had no idea what to do with it. I vented it through sports without punching people, but still it didn’t stop me from wanting to hit the first person that did something I didn’t like at the moment – it could be the hair, clothes, the sound of the voice or a facial expression. If I didn’t like it, I wanted to see it burn.

its so true and very real. There are times where I myself feel that anger. I have the habit of bottling up things and I usually vent out the anger by shouting at everyone at home. From the entire story these were the most strong lines(according to me at least).

WHY HASN’T HE CALLED YET

the caps are unnecessary but I guess someone already mentioned that.

Easier doesn’t necessarily mean better, and in this case stronger is simply synonymous for self-destructive.

love the last sentence!

Now that we are done with the basic parts I don't see how exactly this is a dramatic short story. But thats my opinion really. You should definitely try "the show and tell" . I consider it a rule to be strictly followed in my writing. You seemed to be just telling about your emotions. The reader understands but that is not the only thing you are aiming for right? You want to create a image and show and tell is the best way to go about it.
here is a link
http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/creative1/showing/

Overall it was a good read. Congratulations!

keep writing!

PM me about anything you would like to know about!

-manisha




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Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:52 am
Omni wrote a review...



Hello there! My name is Quest (Omni if you're old) and I will be reviewing this fine piece for you today.

So onto the review. No doubt dogs has already said this, but this is one huge block of wording. If you copy and pasted this on IE, then it does that sometimes. I recommend using Google Chrome.

So, with that out of the way, I will now do the actual review.

taking about how I will never perceive myself as good enough or how being abandoned by my father affects me.


I think you might wanted 'taking'as 'talking'.

WHY HASN’T HE CALLED YET?


I don't think caps is needed for this. Caps, for one, is unprofessional. It is something that is uneeded in a good piece, and this is a good piece! So, just put the art of imagery in it instead of capitilization. It will make it sound so much better. For example:

"...without looking down at the phone every five seconds, her mind screaming in agony, in pain, at the thought of him having not called yet."

Doesn't that sound much better, and it is saying the same thing without and full caps on it.

Easier doesn’t necessarily mean better, and in this case stronger is simply synonymous for self-destructive.


I love this part. It is a great way to end a story like this!

So, this story is very nice, although the fact of no paragraphs dissuades most people from reading it, including me at first, it is very nice.

Everything I said here, take as a grain of salt. I't is my opinion, so take it as such. It's a great story, but it is also your story, not mine, so you'll do it with what you want.

With that said, I liked it! Keep on writing, and I hope your days here are numerous!

Quest




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Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:32 am
dogs wrote a review...



Hello there Nina! Dogs here with your review today. Firstly WELCOME TO YWS! I hope you enjoy your stay here. Let me know if you need any help or anything, anywho on to ze review!

"perceive myself as good enough or how being abandoned..."

Two quick notes, biggest thing is that this post is one massive block of text with no paragraph breaks. It makes it exceedingly difficult to read, especially for someone who is as ADD as me. Careful when copy and pasting into here, be sure to go through and edit your post and add in those paragraphs before you post. Furthermore, you're missing some commas here. Because you're making a list this line should be: "Perceive myself as good enough, or how being abandoned" Just to make your writing smoother to read.

"As time went by it became harder and harder to open myself even"

Two things, firstly there should be a comma after "myself." Secondly, you need to give the reader a reason for this change, what prompted this to happen, why is it that these things suddenly became harder and harder to do?

I really love how you used sports as an outlet to get rid of your anger. Perhaps focus more on that instead of creating a large rant. I do think, however, that your last sentence is perfection and I love love love it. Another note, be sure to check and double check the grammar on your writing before posting. There were a few missing commas and on quotations marks you don't need to put a space inbetween the quotation and the next word. All and all a nice piece of writing, I enjoyed reading. Let me know if you need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh :smt032




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Sat Mar 30, 2013 7:53 pm
Pokit says...



Excellent!! Needs paragraphs though. I love the emotion, and simplicity of this story. Great ending. Enjoyed it very much!




jordin says...


Whats the repeat for?



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Sat Mar 30, 2013 7:52 pm
Pokit says...



Excellent!! Needs paragraphs though. I love the emotion, and simplicity of this story. Great ending. Enjoyed it very much!





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— Samuel Butler