Published January 3, 2005
Thought that I would group a bunch of poems together:)
The Fury of the Storm
The storm clamored
And as if in a flying rage,
Roared through the quiet
Bitter Sweet
The tangy, sour taste
Erupts in my mouth as I
Chew the tart lemon
Rainbow
The circular strips
Of red, gold, blue and purple
Strech across the sky
A World of Shadows
Shadows jumped from
Wall to wall, hiding from the
Bright light of the sun
Silence
The lone voice echoed,
Bouncing off the walls of the
Deep, copper canyon
Nothingness
The rushing river
Swerves and then plummets into
Dark Oblviion
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Ello!
Um, I know it's been, like, 3 years since the last post, but aren't haiku's supposed to be in the order of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables? That's how I've always done mine and that's how I learned it. I know this post is a little, um... late, but I just kinda stumbled upon this so... yup, I decided to reply.
One thing I noticed is how the syllables in each poem varied, except in the case of the third and fifth poems.
1. 6, 4, 7, 5
2. 3, 6, 7, 5
3. 2, 5, 7, 5
4. 5, 4, 7, 5
5. 2, 5, 7, 5
6. 3, 5, 7, 5
The last two lines had the same syllables in all poems, which is good. But I believe the biggest thing here is that haiku's have 3 lines and yours all had four lines. Not big, but technically, these poems can't be considered as haiku's.
Also, there are a few minor spelling mistakes and instances where the line shouldn't have ended where it did. Though I won't point these out.
Good, though.
alicat
welcome greenmonkey! Thanks for the complument...
Incandescence- It was just some haiku's I did for school...I know it wasn't that great. Thank you for your comments:)
Could this have been any worse? Your syntax was overused and should have been revised with more vivid words. Stop describing the way an event occurs and describe why it occurs or how it has any relevance to you. A storm clamors--so what? Who cares? I think you should see my point. I didn't like any of these poems, and to be quite honest, they were too short. Unless you're going for a haiku, don't make poetry this short unless it's extremely powerful and lively. Otherwise you won't be able to get imagery or any necessary component of poetry into it. You'll just be redundant with your descriptions, and I already grow tired of looking back over them for some redeeming value.
Umm... I'm kind of new here, and this site works differently then another one I was on. I like your poems. I decided to read them when I saw it had 0 replies. I hope this shows up as a reply and not an actual poem on the list of poems...