Relief

Hello there. Here to critique.

First of all, I noticed that in your first stanza you started off very strongly; however, the misspelling of "unconscious" threw me off a little. Definitely something you want to throw through a spell check before taking formal publishing action.

I enjoyed the rhyme scheme in this (loose rhymes are more my thing as well, whenever I find myself using them); however, what threw me off a little was your seemingly sporadic use of punctuation. You use one full stop at the end of the poem (which I understand as a stylistic choice), but it's somewhat off-putting to see that you use commas in some places and not in others. Out of curiosity, I'd like to know what your method is for that.

At first, I wasn't sure how I felt about the second stanza in its entirety. You seem to be intent on keeping your stanzas at four lines, and it took me a couple of readings to get a good rhythm going before I could get through it - the last line seems extraneous, and is nondescript compared to the other lines in the stanza, which will definitely throw some readers (me included) off-balance.

In the third stanza, I was honestly sitting here mumbling under my breath, because the word "evil" for some reason doesn't sound right - perhaps "dread" instead? I'm sure you have your reasons, or could find a much more suitable alternative, but "evil" sounds a little juvenile to me.

Overall, I sincerely enjoyed reading this! And it's honestly very rare that I leave a poem with this little criticism, but I couldn't find very much to comment on that doesn't seem like it's part of your stylistic choices. I'm very glad to have read this, and I hope you keep writing!

This is a sweet poem about hope and perseverance, you are obviously very talented. However, it didn't flow very well and had little effect one. You need to deepen its impact, and strengthen the imagery to a point where I'm almost carried away by your words. I have full confidence that you could do that very easily though, no worries there. I hope you work on this some more, so the next time I read this I can truly enjoy it. Good luck, and keep writing!!

This is a very interesting piece. It seems well thought out and the rhythm is also well thought out. Now to review....
Word choice: I have to say that the beauty of this poem is largely dependent on your word choice. Your rhythm is original because of the words you used. Also, there is a line of simplicity that runs through the poem. Again, you've let the rhythm do the work for you. This is very nifty.

Voice: The voice is clear and precise and for some reaon, I felt desperation in there somewhere. The voice in this piece is what gives the poem its innocence.

Imagery: I enjoyed the imagery in the second and last verse. It is rich and dramatic; this is very good. It helps reader better envision the poet persona's prdicament.

On the bad side: I still think this piece can be worked on. I see it as a skeleton that needs a bit more flesh on the storyline. Right now its direct. Anything good can become great.

Finally, tend your flame; I see a fire breaking out soon.

I love this poem, it's amazing. You should definitely keep writing. The first time I read it, all I did was read. The second time though, I decided to sing your poem and it flowed so perfectly. You have an amazing rhythm in here that works really well, and all of your words matched up so perfectly with one another.