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by netherling451

If I were chained to my piano,

Never to leave its side,

Would I think in terms of music?

Would I laugh in harmony with its keys?

Would I taste the sweetness of each song

With every breath I take?

Would I dream about half notes

Or dance across the staff?

Would each stroke of the ivory

Be smooth like the river?

Would I become the river?

Would each prod of the ebony

Be powerful like the whistling wind?

Would I embrace the wind?

Would I feel so much

As to forget about the manacles

Holding me tethered?

Would I still feel their cold touch

Sapping the strength from my veins?

Does it matter if the cage is gilded in gold

If it is still a cage?

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6 Reviews

Points: 1075
Reviews: 6

Sun May 18, 2014 5:28 am
PatchworkStudy wrote a review...

What a nice poem! It had a rather nice flow and rhythm in it, and there weren't any notable mistakes. Being a music lover myself, I enjoy seeing poems like this one. I like to write poems about the songs and music I listen to as well (they don't come out as good, unfortunately).

Very nice job. Thumbs-up. :)

Wow. Thank you very much. :)

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272 Reviews

Points: 3455
Reviews: 272

Sun May 18, 2014 1:55 am
cleverclogs wrote a review...

Hello there, and welcome to YWS! I promise you will love it here!

So, I really enjoyed reading this. It was very poetic, and flowed very well. It is kind of random, but random is good. Not many people will think about this, much less turn it into such a work of art. I liked the question-asking format a lot. It moves you to ponder less thought about questions.

My favorite line:

Does is matter if the cage is gilded in gold
If it is still a cage?

I'm going to leave the nitpick that the other review found alone to say how much I love this line. It's the heart of the poem, and a great stopping point, leaving the reader's mind reeling.

As a musician, I can say that I would probably not appreciate being chained to my instrument, just because it would be very uncomfortable, but I certainly love playing it, and thinking in musical terms. I saw the piano as a metaphor for loving an instrument that much, although you may not have intended that.

One liiiittle nitpick: Not every line needs to be capitalized, but that's fine. It can be fixed easily.

I really enjoyed reading this. Keep writing!

I think that's definitely one way to look at the metaphor. As I was writing, I didn't really have an idea of what it would turn into: it sort of surprised me when I finished. But I think it's up for interpretation and I like your view.
Also, thanks for the tip. I'll keep it in mind :)

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123 Reviews

Points: 13024
Reviews: 123

Sat May 17, 2014 11:12 pm
Milanimo wrote a review...

I really liked this piece and how connected each line is to the next. It's good that there's no stanzas or there would be too much of a pause between each connection. It's a very nice poem that has great imagery and detail.

My only critique is the next to last line. I think you meant "it" instead of "Does is".

That's all I have to say! Great job!

Yeah, I did mean "it." Good catch.

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
— Paul Brandt