Published April 20, 2011
Wasting my time without light.
There is no fight in me.
I close my eyes,
but nothing is right.
My dreams have seen the sun.
Even then,
They paint quiet lies.
Now,
The painting lives.
You were clothed in glistening black.
Holding a scarlet sash.
And your liquid glance,
It would have shattered glass.
The ocean surrounded where we stood.
Your reflection crushed my plans.
So then,
All I wanted was a dainty hand.
I reached across the expanse...
But these dreams,
They painted lies.
And now,
The painting dies.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,586 Literary Works • 673,539 Reviews
Nice poem! I love the voice in this piece. It seemed as if it suddenly spilled out of your soul! In my opinion, I also think it had kind of a mystery to it! Also, the imagery you created is rare and distinct. Nice work!
Hi there.
This was very good. Your use of launguage here is great. You avoid all cliches and keep everything vivid and strong.
This poem here deals with some dark themes and you handle that very well. The imagery is really good.
So keep going with this it's really good.
I really like this poem. The emotion just flows in the words and the descriptions paint a very vivid and interesting picture in my mind. It makes me want more haha. Keep up the good work I can't wait for more. May you receive many and helpful reviews. I can't find anything wrong with this grammar or spelling wise. Nor with the poem in itself so good job. Good luck and Happy Writing!!!!
Soulkana<3