Published April 19, 2011
I walked along a cold lit night,
Brushing slowly against green cracked life.
My heart beat against the Moon,
And the Sun showed his face through the dark.
We dream of touching that pure reflection.
It soothes our dreams and paints our mind.
I placed her hands in mine,
And we took steps through a speckled sky.
Every turn moved through burning dust.
We wrote our names,
And spun among the flames.
Surely,
Our call shall be smeared as one,
My eyes fixed on the ocean before me.
I saw the Sun watch with joy,
'Cause his light gave rise to this delight.
The land is wild and imposing.
His is the power to give life.
May I hold you close to the end.
When the seams of time burst,
Here I am.
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141,413 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
About the "smeared" thing. I didn't see anything joined. In my head I saw stardust smeared together. It wouldn't have made sense to me.
Another thing. You should add more emotion because it would help me understand how to know who you are. What your different perspective on things is is very helpful in developing a character.
It's very good but one thing.