Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Well this was a pretty interesting little story, its got a couple of glaring grammar issue but if you look past those there really is some pretty interesting ideas in this and I think this story does have potential here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
sunrise is most beautiful thing in world , it makes u filled with positives vibes, hopes and so much .i can see sunrise everyday and never will be bored . her life was going on the hope that her life will also shines like sun .
Okay...one of the more wholesome starts I've seen in a while here...there's a definite lack of these in general across stories that you tend to find up on YWS...well let's see how this begins....a nice sunny little start here with some proper positive energy, let's see where this leads.
meet her she is " eleanor ". a girl who believes that her dreams are going to come and not even a single one will left ............. she lived her every minute with this hope ..............who knows that one of her dreams was going to come true .
Hmm, well, alright looks like this is where we actually meet the character, that's certainly quite interesting....and alright, this is certainly adding to the whole wholesomeness and positiveness of that start, this is also talking a lot about hope and generally good things so far, although this is starting to sound so wholesome I'm almost worried now.
her high school crush "park".. she loved her for 5 years and then in 9 grade he asked her to be his soul mate !!!!!!!!!!! how can resist THAT! proposal , can u believe when she everyday woke in the hope to get noticed by him even though she was fat but a girl who have best the nature in school. if we ignore the fatness she was most beautiful girl in high school in the both aspects ... she never thought about her self that she pretty and never thought that this dreams will ever came true bcz this was her most least and deleted dream but it came true 'life is full of suprises"
Okay, well those words there do sound a little off, I don't normally comment on grammar unless it starts to genuinely mess around with the reading and understanding of a story and sorry to say, this one kind of does...and that's not great. You really wanna take a second look at that one there and iron things out quite a bit. On the other hand, well that is pretty sweet, the proposal thing that is, the whole fatness part it a little bit shady there....not everyone thinks being fat is ugly so you wanna be careful making statements like that one.
her believe became more stronger .............
he make self esteem stronger but she start sensing he do not like her in the way that she like her .... but she don't say a single she thought that maybe he wait till graduation ....
Okay...so I'm guessing this is now going full love story mode here judging by the way that we appear to be focusing suddenly on this relationship, so okay...not quite the twist I expected but its not a bad one. At any rate, we're sensing some conflict in this one, that is interesting, let's see how this one ends up going here.
on the other side some else also proposed her
the person her cozn she only have one dream ages ago that her parents will make her forcefully make her to marry him but never gave that much importance ...but in those time when park don't gave importance to her . in this time her cozn stephan proposed her gave her so much importance . she feel blissfull but what will she do she loved park for 5 years.....
what will do ...
Well uhh...we have ourselves another kinda bad grammar paragraph here, that also a needs a lot of looking at before it can really be properly understandable but from what I'm deciphering here, this sounds like it could be a pretty cool story, and I certainly want to find out more about what happens here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, as far as first chapters go, this isn't bad, and once its got a little more cleaned up grammar wise this could really be quite an awesome little story here. Anyway, that's all I gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 259822
Reviews: 4125
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