Deleted

by naturesgirl

Published December 15, 2010

Deleted by author.

Comments & reviews · 1
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Ruth
Review
Ruth wrote a review Review · Dec 16, 2010

That was... rather chilling. Your repetition of adjectives in relation to characters took a minute for me to get the hang of it, but it worked very well. It was like you were lulling me into a false sense of security, with "little Hope" and "curious Adele", as if they're from a children's story; it makes the reality of the situation all the more shocking. I like the kind of political and yet completely personal elements to it. The "pregnant, chronically depressed wife" made me see her for a minute as the government would see her - more of an object than a person.

All I can see that's really wrong with this is a handful of spelling and grammar issues. Beyond that, this is a really well-written, intelligent piece of work, and I'm sorry I can't think of anything else to help you improve it.
~Grin



If you run now, you will be running the rest of your life.
— Reborn