Published February 11, 2010
This was it.
All my pain and suffering had led me here, like destiny. Instead of aiding me through the maze of life, it had dragged me intentionally down all the wrong passageways, taking a sharp turn whenever the light of happiness had threatened to overshadow its fathomless doom. Now I stood here the cool wind dancing around my shoulders and fluttering through my long dusky hair. What was wrong with me? How had I ended up so alone? My head said there was nothing wrong with me just all too much anger and hate within him. But my heart had been shattered in his oppressive hands and so blamed only myself.
I stepped into the cool water its icy grip lending its strength and courage to my faltering certainty. The water wrapped around me; a shroud to drag me into the deep. In killing myself I would stop him in his tracks. His cruel words could no longer crush me like heavy blows and he could no longer use me to his own sick advantage. I closed my eyes and imagined my life before him .Before his imposing shadow followed me from this life to the next. This was my last life and that final thought brought a sorrowful smile to my lips. I closed my eyes and let the powerful hands of the sea guide me to my final destination.
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140,720 Literary Works • 673,676 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is interesting. The title here certainly drags you in quite quickly there as a reader and then just the sort of general atmosphere that this entire piece seems to radiate just meshesh with said title ever so well here. It certainly is a very intriguing situation to be walking into as a reader and you find yourself with a bit to think about here.
The clear sense of sadness and the feelings that has caused it all are plain enough to see. It isn't particularly subtle about exactly what this piece is trying to describe here which also has the added bonus of then making us wonder how something that seems like such a sort of "Final" scene make it into the actual prologue.
Overall I think it comes together quite powerfully here to make for the sort of prologue that makes you read it a couple of times and then certainly makes you more than intrigued enough to want to know more about what is going on in this world. For something that is as short as it is, this one is certainly quite powerful.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I really liked this! I like writing about this sort of stuff, and your imagery in this piece was brilliant! I especially liked the sentence 'Now I stood here the cool wind dancing around my shoulders and fluttering through my long dusky hair.' Beautiful words used there. Good luck and keep writing!
This is so beutifully written! I have only been a member for a few days, but I have seen works such as this one that break the "Potter Mold". Good Job!
I really liked this, I could feel what this person was feeling and it was just really well written, I didn't find anything wrong.
--E.B.
Thank you all so much for your comments
Hello natalie and welcome to the forums. I am here to review, but not critique. I found this to be very well written. You described suicide in the most of detail and emphasized every part of it. Once again, great job on the story. I will be looking for more.
~Ryuichi
This was a beautifully written prologue. Fantastic imagery and description. There are only a few points I would like to bring to your attention..
This is written well, but I think you should include a comma or two, to give it more effect, or else it may sound kind of like a run-on:
You might want to rephrase this sentence...I can't quite grasp what you're trying to say..I understand the basic idea but it needs to be more clear.
Otherwise you've done a fantastic job
<3 Sara.