this one is about monsters and demons
Here lies the monster you created in your head.
You convinced yourself the demons hid under your bed.
You would look at their skeletons as their skin had shed.
Blood the color of the darkest apples red.
Is all you saw when you closed your eyes.
The demons would silence all your cries.
You got help hoping the demons would leave you behind.
Friends looking in your eyes, hoping the real you is what they'd find.
But instead the word MONSTER,
was how you were defined.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
Hello there! Came across this and decided to leave a review quick.
I really like this poem! I love how well you intertwined the eerie theme with such wonderful structure and wording. The flow is wonderful. Overall, this is one of my favorite poems I've read today! The last two lines are particularly my favorites in here. So, job well done, and I hope to read more of your work!
Hey Natalie! Here's my two cents:
I really like what you've written- it has a simple structure, but says so much in so few words.
The wording is just a little weird here; maybe say "... look at their skeletons [when] their skin had shed."
This is just a nitpicky grammar thing: it should be "apple's" not "apples." Also, I think you may have meant to put a comma instead of a period at the end? Since the next line is a continuation of the previous line, the correct punctuation is a comma.
Also, I think you should insert a comma between "You got help" and "hoping the demons" so that the sentence flows a little better and gives the reader a pause between those two thoughts.
The ending is fantastic. It's captivating and mysterious.
Great job! I can't wait to see more of your work
-unluminescent
I'm not much of a poetry expert, but I'll leave a quick review for this!
Well, that was pretty disturbing, actually. I love horror stories! I like how you fit it into a poem, and having it in the second person helped make it a bit scarier. The descriptions are very well written. I especially like the blood/apple metaphor.
The only issue I really have with this is that it could have used a bit of proof-reading.
In the first line, "this" should be capitalized and "demons" should be followed by a period.
At the end of the fifth line, the period should be a comma, and in the fourth line, "is" should be lowercase. This is because they are parts of the same sentence.
I think, in the seventh line you only meant to put one space between "The" and "demons."
For the eighth line, a couple of nit-picky things. You said: "You got help hoping the demons would leave you behind."
There should be a comma after help. I also think you could replace "got" with a more colorful word, such as "sought," but that choice is completely up to you!
I really did enjoy this, it was quite eerie. Keep writing! Hope this helped a little!