Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: OKayy...as far as the start to a story goes, this one here isn't too bad. We've got a couple of interesting and the promise of a life being changed, so there's not all that much you can ask right there.
Anyway let's get right to it,
“Yo Ryuuko.”
Today is the girl’s first day of high school at Blade Academy. Before arriving to the entrance ceremony, she encountered a few punks on the way. Stereotypical ones. All because she wore pants. Before, girls wear skirts in Japan. Thanks to increased sexual assaults, the government thought it’d be good to change its traditions for the sake of purity.
“Eh, this kid attends Blade? That snobby place?”
Okay...that's an interesting start there...the dialogue is interesting enough, you get a sense of what's going on and it does manage to capture your attention, the main issue there is that we go off on a little too much of a tangent there at the start. While that does seems like a fairly useful piece of information to the story, it goes on for a bit too long and manages to disrupt the flow here somewhat.
“What’s a cutie wearing something for guys? Pisses me off!”
“Yeah,” a punk said, cracking his knuckles. “Let’s put her in her place.”
Too bad Ryuuko was a first-class fighter in the district. They all ran away in fear, begging to spare their lives. This was when her friends showed up. Luckily, they knew she beats up punks for a reason.
“Hey Kei, Mayumi.”
Okay...well that escalated a little too quickly, on one hand, it sounds like this person's just going to enter this brand new school, then she starts cracking her knuckles and they run away like they recognize who it is, its all getting a tiny bit confusing here with this part of the dialogue.
Kei was a friend she made when she moved to America three years ago. They were in the Blade Academy’s system, but transfered to the Machete Division (USA), It was also his first day at Blade Academy: Katana Division. He’s a real easy-going person. He usually irritates Ryuuko with his crazy antics, but they managed a strong friendship.
Okay...so we then immediately move to another character introduction, this one also kind of goes on for perhaps a tiny bit too long there, but I think in this case, with this being after all the dialogue is done, it manages to slot in without disrupting the flow too much.
Mayumi was in the same boat as Kei. A close friend since junior high. Like her two friends, she’ll be attending the Katana Division. Unlike them, she’s at the top of her year. Earning the best grades is her specialty. She’s also a practitioner of archery, winning regional competitions during her stay in North America.
However, this wasn’t any ordinary day. Today, this is when their lives changed forever. Especially the one named Hashimoto Ryuuko.
Well, I'm not sure about the whole lives changing part of things, it does manage to create a little bit of a hook for us to want to read onto, but its also a very generic and fairly vague statement to end on there.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this is a decent start, its got a few issues like I pointed out above, but I think its still fairly effective as the start of a story, and is interesting enough that I'd potentially continue reading right here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254788
Reviews: 4107
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