I believe that we are all born right,
No matter how dim, ugly, pretty, or bright.
And whether we feel that we grow too slow or too fast,
It matters not, for it does not last.
For each face we meet,
Each place we rest our feet,
Becomes yet another memory we yearn for later.
And each face, each place to rest, burns in our chest like a crater.
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140,667 Literary Works • 673,586 Reviews
Wow. You have a gift! Welcome to YWS, my friend. If you need anything reviewing, any story ideas, any points, any gifts, or just a shoulder to bury your face into, just shoot me a message!
You'll do really well here. I can't wait to see what else you give to us!
I think for starters, you need a new name for your poem so that people are drawn in better. You could call it My Preference on Beauty(My First Poem). Don't make My First Poem, your title, that would draw away some readers). You also could take away some transitions, since this is a poem. For example, in this quote, "And whether we feel that we grow too slow or too fast," you can take away the and to make it more smooth. Don't you ever start a sentence with and or because or I will hunt you down!
Now for the things that I like. I love the theme of your story. How everyone is beautiful, no matter what anyone says. You have a good moral to this poem. If this is your first poem, way to go but I don't know if I believe it is your first first poem. Is this your first poem for Young Writers Society? This is really good. Your descriptions are very good. I say, make more poems and keep up the good work!
Heyo! Welcome! This is NOT your first poem ever right? Just on YWS right? Cause if not AMAZING oh um, I forgot to introduce myself I am PonyzandPokez and I am here this review day to review, THIS! Here is what I thought!:
Spelling %100! <3
Grammar: %100! <3
Emotion: %100! <3
Formatting: %100! <3
YAY If THIS IS your first EVER poem OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO CORRECTIONS FOUND! PERFECT FIRST POEM! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO. EXCITED. CAN'T. TAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KEEP WRITING! THIS IS TOO AMAZING! I WILL BE LOOKING OUT FOR MORE BY YOU! (P.S. Try to find a title, that's my only edit)
Shocked, Excited, Mind Blown, Happy
~PonyzandPokez
Your first poem????
You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me!
this is so son good. you have to keep writing poems!
Ok, so basically, this is your review.
i love the message this poem carries, it's strong and it's a message everyone needs to hear about because no matter who we are, we all end up having insecurities about each other.
although it's your first poem, i think you should find a more suitable title for this, 'cause......IDK, YOLO?? LOL
My favourite line: Each place we rest our feet, becomes yet another memory we yearn for later. it made me realize that no matter what happens, we would never be satisfied so why not enjoy it while you're at it and leave no room for regrets.
NO mistakes, just perfect.
Keep writing!
Bee
Hi there, happysmilers here to review,
That is really good for your first poem!
I really like how you, said that no matter who you are, and no matter what you are like! We were all beautifully made!! That each person we meet and each place we go touches are life in a new way!
Good job on ryhming to be honest i didnt see any mistakes!
Congratulations on writing your first poem on YWS!
This is by far way better then what my first poem was. What you are trying to say in the poem too is a nice message. I think a lot of people can see that message you are trying to get out. When you said " And each face, each place to rest, burns in our chest like a crater." That is so relatable for me and that's a good thing. You did very well for your first poem so thumbs of for you.
P.S. It would be awesome of you extended it though. Just because I like this topic.
Hello, and welcome to YWS!
This is pretty darn good for a first attempt at a poem. The rhyme scheme works out nicely, and it flows fairly smoothly, although the rhythm is a bit iffy in some places. I like the message that you put in the poem, it's very uplifting.
Now, for a bit of technical stuff:
Not every line needs to be capitalized. It only needs to be capitalized if it's starting a new sentence. For instance, "No" doesn't need to be capitalized in the second line. No big deal, you can change that easily.
I don't really think you need the word "for" there. It implies that that line is related to the previous one, and it doesn't seem like it's supposed to be. I recommend taking that out.
This line doesn't really make sense to me. Since when does a crater burn? It seems to me that you were looking for something that rhymed, and ended up with something that only sort of worked. Don't do that! For me, it kind of ruined the whole happy rhythm of the poem and turned it into something a bit cheesy, for lack of a better word. If you keep searching, you'll be able to find something that works with the rhyme scheme and the theme better.
Overall, if this is your first poem, you should totally keep writing. You have a lot of potential here, and if you keep practicing, your works will be outstanding. Great job! Keep up the good work!
Hey! Welcome, first of all.
I liked this poem. It's simple, it's clear what you wanted to say, it flows easily.
I'm not quite sure if by ''And each face, each place to rest, burns in our chest like a crater.'' you wanted to say that memories hurt or any other negative connotation, or that they imprinted ''in our chest'' forever (like a crater). If the second, I'd use some other word than ''burn''. For instance: ''...each place to rest is etched/engraved in our chested like a crater.''
But, that's just me, your version works fine too.
All in all, a good poem.
Keep on writing!
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