I have a scar on the bottom of my left foot from when I stepped on my broken fish bowl.
I have a scar in the middle of my chest from falling out of a tree.
I have a scar on my right elbow from trying to roller blade on gravel.
I have a scar on the right side from my broken rib protruding.
I have a scar on my head from the side of my grandmother's coffee table.
I have a scar from when I first saw my father hit my mother.
I have a scar from when my first love lied to my face.
I have a scar from when my father gave up on us and left.
I have a scar from being told I’m worthless every day for 16 years.
I have a scar from the first time seeing my mother overdosed laying on the floor.
Scars either build you up
Or tear you apart
It’s not what happens to you that defines you
But how you react to those moments.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Hi, here with a review. The title grabbed my attention straight away, and I really enjoyed this piece. I like how you've repetition and mixed physical scars with emotional ones, which gives this piece a great effect. It really makes the reader sympathize with the person who this is about. Overall, I loved your poem and I can see that this person is obviously is very emotional and expresses their feelings with this. If there's anything you want to say please do.
~Rosy234
Hello!
here for a review.
Right from the first few lines you can obviously tell it is very repetitive. I do realize that you are having your own type of poetry show through but I will suggest that next time you could break up the pattern and have some more built up and complex emotion show in the first words of each line.
Just like some reviews that were posted before this one, the progression from the physical hurt to the emotional hurt is very abrupt.
I do like the end four lines, but they are cliched just like the ending of a storybook. If you could rephrase those last two lines into something not so cliche I believe that your poem would be less generic.
Overall, great message portrayed in the poem. Best of luck and I hope to read more of your works!
'Ello, it's Cello, here to review.
Let's jump right in.
I get that this poem is supposed to be simply and repetitive to prove a point and keep a patten, but I'd like to suggest adding some complexity to your word choice and descriptions. You want to really pull a reader into your poem if you want them to connect to it. This is most easily done with choosing words that appeal to the five senses. Taking about the sharp pains that came from your physical injuries. Talk about the glittering image of the broken glass, the smell of fresh grass that fit your face as you fell from the tree, and the rough, rolling sound of gravel under your skates. Little things like this make a poem more interesting to the reader.
If you want to add this stuff in, it might be helpful to make each line into more of a verse, starting each verse with 'I have a scar from' to keep the pattern, but still putting more lines after it to add more quality content to your writing.
Another thing I would like to suggest is the use of personification, metaphors, and other literary devices to help bring your words to life. "The gravel growled under my skates", "The broken glass, a cutting knife", etc. (sloppy examples, but I'm sure you get the idea).
Something I found odd in your poem was your choice in ordering the events.
You jump very quickly to childhood injuring to emotionally scarring moments. I think it would be a clever idea to build up the intensity over the length of your poem. Start the emotional scarring part with your heart break, and continue in intensity from there to the overdosing. If you were trying to go follow a true chronological order, I would dump it. The reader doesn't know the order so there's no point in following it.
I hate to say it, but this is very cliche. Avoid cliches at all costs.
Either find a way to word it that makes it sound original, or simply cut out the 'message' and find another way to tie off the poem. Putting a cliche in a poem, especially for your last lines, really takes an otherwise great work down a few notches. Take some time and just try to find a new way to approach it.
Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
This works much better in spoken word format than its paper value allows. The repetition visually bores and dissuades me from reading further; all the same, by the end you have a solid meaning built up and I can appreciate that; however, your final stanza is also a bother.
That's because it's erroneous in the base sense of what scars do physically. They cover wounds. Wounds are inflicted by what happens to you, not by how you react (though exacerbation is a matter), but you present this statement that just undermines the entirety that you've built up over the piece and it breaks my poetic heart to see such obvious phrasing and fact-stating at the end of a poem. So your ending needs to be burned and reborn.
Your flow leaves much to be desired--much MORE to be desired on paper--but I can understand it verbally. You have a decent concept, and that's basically what the piece is all about.
Just tighten up that ending.
Ty
As repetitive as this was, the meaning this poem had was very moving. As different as each persons lives are, everyone could relate to the message at the end of this. The only thing I see for improvement is maybe adding stanzas, and adding a little more to the end message, as I felt it ended quite abruptly.
I know this is a terrible review but I greatly enjoyed this poem and its message.
Have a great day! ^-^