Published August 7, 2011
False Prophet
You feel yourself to be the first, yet you are one of many.
An attention wh0re with a thirst unending.
You felt a message,
From your lord himself?
Than spread it to all,
That the world will melt.
Who were they,
To believe
A false prophet?
Who were you,
To be
A false prophet?
You felt,
You went
Through the abyss?
And then,
Recieved
Your heavens gift?
You never were true.
Now they realise the ruse.
Who were you,
To be
A false prophet?
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139,632 Literary Works • 672,636 Reviews
This was pretty good, but I have to agree with some of the statements above.
Shorts need captivating imagery, and you have a few grammar errors.
To me the stanzas got really chopped up, and were hard to follow.
But once I thought about it if you did this on purpose it would make sense; how can people actually follow a false prophet without thinking something is wrong, and how inconsistent the prophet is.
Not saying your work is inconsistent, but yeah. Good work keep writing:D
To the first commentor, yes, this poem began about the man predicting the rapture, but can actually be about all zealous predictors, if you will. To the other two, and especially Parker, thank you guys for the constructive criticism. I will make sure to go ove this, and make it better.
Have you read the Passover Plot? Probably not, but it claims that Jesus was a false prophet. That he was a genius young man who "adhered" to texts telling of the coming of the Messiah. Really he just manipulated people, if that's what you believe, but potato pah-tah-toe, right?
The following I feel you'd do well to scratch from the poem completely as it serves no purpose. As I was reading it, I kept asking myself why it was there. So it serves no purpose and it's distracting to the reader. Like I said, pitch it.
erm...there's more: The uncertainty the question marks you placed in places question marks don't need to be placed were distracting as well.
Ex 1:
Ex 2:
Ex 3:
If you really are asking, you've set the tone up all wrong. You come off accusatory, and that makes sense. You can't factor in uncertainty without sounding weird. It doesn't make sense to be as accusatory as you are and also uncertain.
I was done with being clobbered with the fact of the false prophet after the first stanza. You're beating the reader in the head with it. We don't want to hear the same idea repeated over and over again. I already get that this is about a false prophet. We want background, we want the story. If you're to give me more, that's what I want.
Overall, this wasn't that bad. Good flow and structure.
P Like the content though, just polish it up a bit and I think it has potenital to be something great!
I did find it a bit dull though, not much imagery and a bit too short... if writing short you gotta be more creative I believe
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
This is pretty good. The rhyme scheme was a little off-beat, and you should maybe double-check for grammar stuff but I liked the poem. Is it about that guy who predicted the rapture, or is it religious visionaries in general? Overall, nice job.