So I'm wondering whose playing with spoons,
Singing these songs and strumming out tunes;
Filling our night with some sort of reprise.
Who's deep within their own disguise?
Just a shadow stuck to our wall,
waiting with decadence to enthrall-
Creasing by with days of madness,
no limits, left all to transgress.
Who is it that treads down our street,
blackened holes that cover her feet,
A daisy in her hair with simple acquiesce,
the one who feels the sky oppress?
Where can I find you, flower girl?
I want to watch you unfurl,
Why is it that you are lost?
I feel your spirit slowly exhaust.
You think it was me now,
this too I disavow,
Can you not notice - I am not here,
at once it becomes so austere.
I do not exist,
Who is it to persist?,
to write and muse,
Never not confuse,
I do not exist,
'Who are you?', I insist...
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Thank you very much for that!!! Best comment I have received yet, and thank you for pointing out the capitalization...something I always forget as I quickly type! Yes spoons is pushing it, I can see exactly where your coming from...that's more of a personal thing (the fact I play spoons for no reason constantly^^) but understandable how a reader would be like...okay...spoons, what?? You have a good eye, two of my rhyme's were definately forced (the rest were not...or so I believe). The words acquiesce and austere were ones I had to throw in there that maybe threw the poem off a bit...but was needed to fit the scheme! Thank you very much for your comment, I will keep them all in mind and tone down my randomness in the future and edit my poem here with your corrections in mind.
This was awesome! I loved the rhythm and the rhyming and everything! A few little nitpicks however. Main thing I noticed was that at the beginning of each line, the first word needs to be capitalized. Another, that I'm not sure it it really matters because of the style of the poem, but some of the lines/stanzas were a little confusing. Well, not confusing exactly, but didn't make the most sense. Like, the first line, I mean, I get that the poem is supposed to wander and be a bit random, but spoons I felt was pushing it a bit. And other words and phrases you used seemed a bit odd or forced, like you threw them in there more to make it rhyme than to have it make sense. Not sure if it's just me, or if there's anything you can do about it, because I definitely know how hard finding a rhyme that makes sense is. *reminiscences* Anyway, great job! Gold star!