Sorry people...
I have to take this piece off, because I'm submitting it to a contest. Wish me luck!
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
All right! So, I shall rant for a bit and then...you WILL enjoy it.
STUFF YOU DID WELL:
- AMAZING imagery- indeed, very eloquent and pretty. Especially for what basically amounts to a sex scene.
But...you've heard that much already, so I assume you don't need me to elaborate.
- I also really did like that you did create a sort of haunting effect, even if the plot was fairly simple. It was short, but your audience is going to remember it.
STUFF THAT COULD USE A SECOND LOOK:
- The comment about the 'anklets hinting songs of the ancient' doesn't make a whole lot of sense- unless you're referring to the sound they make against the marble. I would mention that, in any case- otherwise it's just a lot of words for no real purpose.
- If you're hiding from evil, you're also probably hiding from the equivalent of Satan. Redundancy isn't good when you're going for the whole pretty, flowy aspect of prose.
- Fairy-ness is an awkward and sort of 'Well, I didn't know what else to put' phrase for a guy who's really had no problem with words up to this point. I'd change that phrase.
Well! Not much else to say, but you most definitely deserve a cookie. Or at least some points...
Gorgeous, mystical!
The imagery was beautiful... this absolutely floored me. I LOVE it. I give you a 10 out of an undisputed 10. ^_^
Delicate, intriguing, alluring... and ultimately with a message very well done.
Meh, love stories are all cliche.
This was very beautifully written. The language was strong. It was all very indirect, yet very clear and understandible. I love it!
This is the only part I didn't like:
It just seemed so...cliche? And for me, it didn't fit in with the rest of the piece.
But besides that...Wow. I really liked it. Great work.