Being in love with you
Is like yoga
My mind
So serene
Floating in the heavens
My eyes closed
With visions of us
Dancing upon the clouds
Bathing in a
Deep well of meditation
My cheeks rosy
I'm feeling like an angel
I open my eyes
And standing before me
You smile at me
And I know its more than yoga
It's you and me
Like strawberries and yogurt
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
I really like the simile "like yoga" and I think the repetition of this is what keeps the poem together.
I also liked the imagery of "bathing in a deep well of meditation".
However I think the idea that it is calm works but I wouldn't agree that it is that simple.
I think any relationship where you would think like this, isn't particularly deep or meaningful so cannot be complete love.
"Like strawberries and yogurt" such a happy combination and surely a perfectly sweet relationship between the couple.
Overall, I did like this poem. The comparison of love to yoga was very original and I think the idea could be developed further to make this a great poem.
I don't want to seem like an idiot, or a cold-hearted prick but this just made me roll my eyes. The simile, sure, is original but that doesn't mean it's good. I mean, it just sounds silly. And to me, it's just not accurate. Love isn't calm and serene. Love is eclectic, love is like riding in a bumpy road, love is all about feeling uneasy and nervous. Sure, sometimes it is quiet and sweet and tender, but most of the other time is like putting your heart in a blender and finger painting your walls with it.
I loved that last line
"Like straberries and yogurt"
it was cute and romantic.
How did you think of
yoga?
Out of all the things I've heard love
be compared to I like yoga the best! =)
The simile used is really unique. It is a sweet poem. very good!!
Thanks for the reviews!
I like your creative simile, and how you kept it up. I found the spacing irksome, however. Generally, you seperate one line from a block of lines for emphasis. The effect is lost when all lines are double spaced.
I'd pay more attention to the words ending each line. Again, these are places of emphasis. You ended on "me" a few too many times in the last few lines.
"Like strawberries and yogurt" I love this! It comes out of nowhere, though...
Hurray for Yoga.
look guys tis my first review...
I really like the first two lines -
- really original allusion.
is this Flotating supposed to be Floating?
in the third stanza I think that the reference to feeling like an angel is a little cliche, but that's just my feeling.
- I think would flow better if it was 'and standing / you smile at me' or 'and standing before me / you smile' something along those lines
I really like the last line very original.
Your poem is very simple and has imagery that is easy to see, some things could change but overall it is very good.
-Elephant-