There it is again. ..that faint light coming through the crack in the door.Not quite noticeable but visible enough for a stranger in a dark room. But I guess anything would grab your attention..in a room like this...in a dark,miserable room like this. Can't see or hear a thing and suddenly this unknown ray of light has shamelessly entered into this huge dark space filled with nothing and is slowly suffocating you to death.
It's strange - this feeling.This mental state in which you are neither dead nor alive.But at the same time you could be both-a peaceful dead body or a miserable living thing.Take your pick.Which one would you choose?
None...why?...what's the point of being in peace if one's soul is not there to enjoy it and also what's the point of living a life miserable than one's death.It is truly strange.
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125,036 Literary Works • 672,919 Reviews
This is some good work. This is philosophical as the writing you have here makes me urge to question things. Do you always write these kind of things? I'd be interested if there were ones you made with some similar elements. The way I envisioned it was this kind of stream of thoughts of someone who was deeply confused and hit around with this questioning. It wasn't a story though. If you wrote more within this person's thoughts, it could be a character study. I'd like to see more, of course every reader would if they read this. The descriptions aren't overloaded but sort like minimal in the way I see it. Overall I am excited to see what will come.
Oh my, such mystery! Although it sounds as if the narrator is in some sort of purgatory, or at the very least, they feel like the room they are in is.
This writing can only be described as, cynical. It seem as if the narrator has been through many troubles during their life, but if they are not expressed the writing just feels as if the narrator is going through some twenty something year old existential crisis.
However the question presented is an interesting thought, even if a little common, so perhaps it is best to press this topic a little further. As to how to do that, well, that is up to the writer to decide.
In the end, a pleasant enough read.
Hola mysterygirl, Jake here for your literary work review. I think that this should be categorized in poetry section; you'll just have to change the paragraphs into several stanza. There's no story after all (in my opinion). You just showed us dilemma about life and death, which by the way is good in poetry.
In addition, I think that you also used some unnecessary punctuation marks like ellipsis and dash. You could have just used period if you wanted to end a statement, or a comma if you'll just want to pause for a while.
This could be a good short story if only you gave us a much better description of the scenario instead of just trying to convey what message you want us to receive.
Heyo mystery, Flite here for a review, due to how short this piece is, I don't have much to say. One thing I noticed whilst reading this poem was that you have quite a lot of ellipsis when they shouldn't be one. I'm not great on grammar myself, but I found this article was very helpful. You should take a read to avoid future mistakes in this in your writing.
The dash here is also not needed, you could have just replaced with a comma, and whilst I'm talking about this. What kind of feeling it is? I know you've gone on and described it later on, but it's not very specific is it? How about describing it to this, use metaphors and similes. Compare it to something, don't use such generalised terms make this feeling yours and make it unique. That's what you what, you want powerful imagery that will paint such a poignant picture in your reader's mind that it will remain with them for days. Right now, with all this narration and no description it's like a canvas of grey colours. You want colours in your writing. The same applies for your starting, describe the surroundings a bit more, right now I'm not getting much of it at all. Every sentence appears to be floating around on its own, tie it together and paint a complete picture.
I also think that you can expand on this a bit more, there's a lot of self-musing going on here but it's so short that I don't really get a feel of it. Where are they right now? I know they're trapped between life and death, but perhaps some more background? The last paragraph and the second last paragraph doesn't really correlate well, it sort of leaps from one to the other. You've provide us with a question that's worth pondering and exploring it further, but instead you've concluded it with it's truly strange.
Hmm, well, maybe I'm just a philosophical person in nature but judging by the nature of this piece isn't that what you what? To explore and take this dilemma further and develop on it? Right now I'm not saying much of a core or any theme here, but the starting of it. I think you can definitely take this further.
If you've got any questions, feel free to ask me.
-Flite
The first paragraph reminds me either of being incredibly depressed and in your own crappy mind set, or possibly vampires? Ha. Did you mean living a life more miserable than one's death? That threw me a little, but I'm not exactly in the greatest mind set right now. Just haven't had enough sleep lately and am stressed with what's going on around me. It's very descriptive and I think speaks to anyone who has been through mental illness stuff, or abusive situations or anything crappy pretty much. I'd much prefer to be a peaceful dead body and that's something I've probably gotta work out on my own time. Good job, you definitely have some sort of talent you should keep writing!!