Hello!
I liked this because of the originality and whimsical nature of the poem. I agree with the others that you could have made it longer and then it would have been easier to review. But as it stands it is short and to the point which works for this poem. Next time you could write a little more, and describe the situation as well as the writers feelings
As for the rhythm I loved it because it wasn't broken or interrupted in any part, which I often find is a problem with poetry including my own.
Good Luck with your next piece, as BondGirl suggested, write more and read more and you will improve. But also review more, it really helps you spot mistakes and improvements in your own work after a while
Well Done
~Lydia
Points: 23443
Reviews: 193
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