I know this poem's kinda short, and is going to be hard to review, but I really wanted to share it with you all. =) Your comments on how to improve it are greatly appreciated, as usual!
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Forbidden fruit,
Delicately laced with sin.
Oh! I pray to indulge;
To drown in temptation,
Fly in desire.
I long for that which I cannot have;
Your teeth to my flesh,
Burning with hunger,
Your breath on my lips,
Passionate and eager.
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Canary word: Present
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A lovely little poem i think. The pattern of rhythm is quite complex as ebony put and i think it makes such a short poem seem quite substantial. The subject of this poem is hidden to me, but i'm thinking somthing to do with teen vampire lust, or somthing to do with desire over someone you fancy. Keep writing and maybe write with a little more complex subject. If you combine both skills, your writing would be fantastic.
Keep writing
Pages.
Hi Ruin!
I read your poem, and I really, really liked it. The concept is something simple, but your structure is beyond complex (in a good way)! I'm thinking that your poem is about someone, who would want to give in to their desire, if put vaguely. I just had one question that kind of set me off: what did you mean by "Your teeth to my flesh, burning with hunger"? I went from a sexual scene to a vampire-related scene. Or, is it just an expression of speech? I'm sure that when reviewing poetry, you shouldn't take everything literally, but here I am, nagging as always. Sorry for this misunderstanding! Your poem is perfect in every way, it's just that little clarification I had. Keep writing!