Published January 25, 2010
For the Winter Romance Contest here: http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic56377.html
Winter used to be a time for cuddling with her. It used to be everything to me. Many times I’d wrap my arms around her, bend down and smell her straightened curls or laugh when she stood soaked from the wet snow in my doorway. But she’s gone now, as if the winter wind has wiped all traces of her chocolate eyes from my gaze. I feel empty and hollow.
I miss a lot of things. Those cold winter days when we both trampled into my house, shedding clothes as if it were a race to see how fast we could undress before the cold froze our chilled bodies to the core. We’d wrap ourselves together in a pile of blankets and sing Christmas songs with one another. Those are joyous memories- one’s that hid what she was really going through- all the things I didn’t see.
I wish I’d known what she was going through, all those torturous days she put on that brave face. She’d trudged through the snow for hours, just to see me. I’d seen it before but she was there, right in front of me and I never saw a thing. All the lies barely locked away in her had finally broken free but at the cost of her life- her life with me.
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140,638 Literary Works • 673,576 Reviews
So, Vamp, I really liked this piece, for all it was in its shortness. And you got first place in the contest!
Just PM me with the pieces you want reviewed!
There isn’t much to say about this. You could have done a billion things more with this but you definitely didn’t take advantage of the potential of this story. There are all of the questions that have been left unanswered, all of the stories that you could have dipped in and out of, rather than just skimming the top of the water the way you did here.
I want to know how these two met, why she trudged through all this snow for him rather than…I don’t know…driving? And what took her life away.
Really take advantage of all this. It’s worth it!
Hello, I'm Kate.
This was great. You captured me from the very first sentence. I may be the only one, but this definitely was a tear jerker. 
Which is always a good thing.
This was probably just a typo, because you have nothing else grammatically wrong as far as I can tell, but it's 'soaked' not 'socked'.
Absolutely brilliant! I love this sentence.
Overall, you did a very good job. This is short; but I'm not sure what you are intending it to be. Prologue? That doesn't really matter, though, because you did a excellent job. It's always pleasing to the eye to read a story that isn't filled with grammar mistakes!
Keep writing,
Kate
whoa, that was really good. Great job