(Ok I can’t get past ch 3 so I’ll just give you a summery of it an continue with ch 4.)
Review: ch 2- Draive went to a place with Chris and was harassed by a black haired kid.
What happened: ch 3- Draive takes Chris to his first hour that they so happen to have as the same class, Spanish. (Chris does not know any Spanish and is completely lost)She dropped Chris off at his second class, Algebra two. Now she goes down the hall as the bell has already wrung.
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Draive rushed down the hall to gym, after delivering Chris to his second hour class. She got changed and wandered out to the gym along with the other students, waiting for the coach to come out. Draive stood in front of a wall, her arms crossed, thinking, as some one came up to her. She was shoved against the wall. She blinked once and found the black haired boy once again. The blonde was lingering behind him.
“Yes?” She asked defiantly, as he leaned down on her.
“Hey sweet cheeks.” He said putting his hand on her waist once again. Draive pushed him. He came back closer. She tilted her head away. He moved it back. She locked eyes with him, sending imaginary daggers his way.
“I won’t bother you if you give me a kiss.” he said dryly.
“Jez don’t go over the top.” The blonde siad.
“I’m not.” Jez said keeping eye contact with Draive. “Go and mind your own business for a minute, Trey.” The blonde boy, Trey gave a weary glance at Draive as he stepped away.
“No.” Draive said, her eyes not faltering.
Jez looked at each of her eyes in turn and surprised her with a hard kiss. She winced for quite some time and pushed him off finally. She got away from him long enough to reach the door heading out, as the coach started to come in. He stopped when he saw the scene. Jez grabbed Draive around the waist. She pryed his hands off and slapped him across the face. The coach’s mouth fell open as she rushed past him.
………………………………............................................................................................................................
She eventually was taken to the princaple's office.
“Why did you slap Jez so?” The chunky lady asked. She held her hand out, indicating Jez, with his bright red hand print that lay slathered on his cheek.
“Because he was harassing me.” Draive answered, her arms locked.
“Uh-huh.” the lady croaked disbelievingly.
“It’s true. Call down the new kid, Chris down. He’ll tell you.”
The bulk moved to the microphone.
“Chris Wood, please come to the office.”
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As soon as Chris entered the room he noticed Jez first. Then he looked over and found Draive. He came at Jez, his arm outstretched.
By the time some one was able to restrain Chris, Jez had a cut lip, and a black eye.
“All I have figured out is that Jez is being bullied.” The stupid lady said. “Detention. The full time.”
“Fine.” They both said in union.
They both locked eyes for a minute and smiled. They were rushed out of the room.
The classes all seamed like a blur.
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When Draive reached detention Chris walked in with her. “Thanks.” She whispered to him as they brushed past each other. The blonde, Trey was there. He smiled a greeting. Chris gave a nod and Draive gave a faint smile. She sat down beside Trey and Chris sat on her other side. The teacher faintly looked up and then returned to his work. Draive doodled on her note book until she got a note.
You okay? What’d he do?
-Chris
Ya, he kissed me but trust
Me I got him back.
-Draive
Ya. I figured.
-Chris
Then she got another note.
What are you guys talking about?
-Trey
Talking about your friend Jez.
Did you hear yet? We gave him
A face to mock him with.
0. So that’s what happened…
He wouldn’t tell me. Probable
too embarrassed.
>.oTrey
Hey, you want to try going with me
somewhere?
-Chris
Where?
-Draive
To a street fair. It’s some thing that usually
went on around every weekend at my old
town.
-Chris
Is it in this town?
-Draive
Ya. I’ll pick you up Wednesday at your house?
-Chris
Sure
^_^ Draive
(sorry if it looks messed up. When I pasted it it looked funny.)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Why do I have to take the whole thing out?-to Lunabuna43
I fiished up the misstakes...
K and lunabuna when i reply like this it doesn't give me points so.. ya.
I shall fix all misstakes tommorow when I have time. Sorry I have to go.
Alright, Everyone else has already really caught it all. But there was a few times where you didn't capatilize a letter after a period. So please do that.
Other then that and what everyone else already caught I think it's pretty good. Keep going.
TNC
You can also get in trouble for posting on your own stories so many times Amber. They are considered reveiws and give you unfair points. If you want to discuss something or thank someone for a reveiw please do so in a PM!
NOW FOR THE CRIT OF DOOM!!! *evil cackles*
^^^^MISTAKES!!!
^^^Not needed use description not little footnotes...another big no-no
^^Mistakes in bold
^^The regular mistakes
^^^Push them all together please...it looks wierd
Gotcha. *wisper* you know you could get in truble for posting a post like that.
Whoo! Continue! Love the story. More chapters please!
Thanks I'll be sure to fix them in a bit. I'm only suposed to be on for one thing and it's not this...
ok i like it but you do have a few typos i am just to lazy to point them out but other than that NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok thanks I didn't see that.
Hey Amber! Just a note, try not to make your line breaks so long. I shortened it for you. If it's too long it stretches out the front page of YWS and things get weird. Thanks!