Published September 20, 2008
Never wanted to be a hater
its in the way you are raised,
intolerance and judgmental thoughts
cross you're mind most days.
As you get older you understand
the fallacies you once believed,
you broaden your mind and horizons
you begin to feel relieved.
But sometimes you find it hard to let go,
some of the feelings buried deep,
but you correct yourself as you go along
you refuse to be a sheep.
Its independant thinkers
that have made this world progress,
not ignoramus cavemen scared to think
like a monkey playing chess.
To put aside youre bigotries,
to change the opinions you had formed,
to be accepting and openminded
allow you're perceptions to be reborn.
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141,624 Literary Works • 675,249 Reviews
I think you have chosen a good topic to work with
there are some brilliant lines in here with a clear message attatched. for example i love these lines...
1) 'But sometimes you find it hard to let go,
some of the feelings buried deep,' very good point to that lines!
2) 'to be accepting and openminded
allow you're perceptions to be reborn.' this was a very nice and clear finish.
there are some other great lines in here too!
However, there a few that i wasnt as sure of... including the bit about a monkey playing chess. I dont know if it actually works as a simile in the sentence you have out it in and it also takes away a bit of the true meaning from the poem.
you also need some more punctuation, just to break it down a little
otherwise, it is very good. With some improvements and adaptions, this has gr8 potential
hope i have helped
bisquit
I loved it! I love it where you say about its the indipendant thinkers that changed the world, not people
who follwo the crowd. I totally agree. The only thing i can say about it that is bad that it needs to grab
the reader more at the beginning, but i loved teh rest of it - keep it up!