Published August 14, 2010
The world is a cruel place.
Where a mistake could mean the end.
And an accident, the begining.
Where the claws of society will hold you tight,
Molding you into what they need.
Only a few escape their powerful grip.
Becoming whom they want.
Doing how they please.
These few take the chances and resist.
As they slip through the fingers, they mold themselves.
Choosing to be anything they prefer.
They are the ones who shall rise above the rest.
Turning into the best of the best.
Inspiring others to be like them.
But unwillingly, the claws come again.
The old, ideal mold, becomes used by just a few,
And the new one takes its place, molding and remolding.
Old and new.
It happens without us seeing,
The claws never go away.
They just choose a new mold each and everyday.
Some stand by watching,
Waiting for the change,
Thinking to themselves,
Many things at once, but one thought by itself.
The world is a cruel place, like nothing else.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,854 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
The world is a cruel place. As a writer, saying 'the world is cruel' pretty much sums up the truth and there isn't much more you can say than that, but with this poem, you proved them all wrong. The lines flowed brilliantly and the imagry was pretty nice. I think that you did an outstanding job with this topic, so kudos.
Keep writing!
Hey there!
Excellent poem. It has a great message about casting aside expectations and norms and ideals of the world and being who you really want to be, rising above and letting yourself choose rather than letting the world dictate who you are. I like the image of the claws. That's a good way to describe society. I think you can extend that metaphor in the poem. Metaphors and similes always make a poem more powerful. I also think this is a poem where emotion is needed. I found it void of emotion. The voice of the speaker seemed monotone, sort of declaring how things were. What we need is more emotion, a sort of desperateness from the speaker, or from the people being molded. The earnestness that comes from the ache and pain of living in the "cruel" world isn't there. Perhaps if you make the poem more personalized there would be more emotion. Right now it seems very detached from emotions. The person narrating or the speaker, doesn't seem part of the poem. This poem reminded me of the poem A Psalm of Life by Henry Longfellow. However that poem manages to have a lot of emotion and desperateness. http://www.potw.org/archive/potw232.html . Have a look at the poem and take note of how the writer incorporates emotion into his poem.
One small nitpick:
I don't think you should of the period there. Otherwise the sentence doesn't make sense. I mean the isn't the one thought "the world is a cruel place, like nothing else."? So that thought is part of the previous sentence. The period in between is unnecessary.
Great poem, but put some more emotion into it. Good luck!
This was a really good poem. The thing I usually find in poems is that they may have an idea but if you give it to me its hard to come up with a plot. Say someone gave me a poem and wanted me to write a novel based on the poem it's like trying to give my cat a bath. Wich usually leaves me sore and tired. But everything you write is so strong I could come up with a detailed plot to go along with each and every one. I love your work, and hope to one day have your talent. Your the next Edgar Allen Poe except a lot less morbid.
Hey there,
So I know that reviews that are short and don't say anything more than "It was amazing! I loved it!" aren't very helpful, but I really don't see much else I could say. The emotion was strong, the truth behind it was there, and it might have changed the way that I see the world. A little.
~~
Hello
This is a perfect title for a poem. It sums up all my emotions in one. What I expected from this poem I did not get but yet I was pleasantly surprised.
You have honestly shocked me with this poem, I liked everything that has been portrayed. Your grammar seemed fine, the emotions was amazingly strong. I didn't feel like everything was being described which in a piece like this it really doesn't need to be!
Congratulations on so many levels, this is one of the most flawless poems I have ever read and I shall never forget it.
Well done.
PM me for anything.
~Retro Disco666
That was a really powerful poem.
The emotion was strong and great, and the description was perfect. I found that it flowed well and and the stanza's were easy reads.
~Kit