Somewhere

by mybrokenreality

Published August 12, 2012

In A New Beginning

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She lay there in defeat,
her mind crumbling away to nothingness
as her heart froze over
in a sheet of ice.

Her fingers curled tightly around the pillow,
the soft fabric quickly becoming drenched
by the salty liquid
falling from her reddened eyes.

She picked her head up
for a moment,
staring off to the side
into emptiness.

The pain in her chest
grew with the sobs;
she just wanted it to vanish.

She wanted to fade away
into a never-ending abyss;
somewhere no one could find her.

It had to be somewhere
a million miles away,
a place of absolute solitude.

It had to be her safe haven,
The one place
in this darkening world
where no one could hurt her.
Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Hiccup
Review
Hiccup wrote a review Review · Aug 12, 2012

Hello there, mybrokenreality (:
Let me start this off by saying I really enjoyed this poem! It gave me a great description of the girl's sorrows and I actually felt attached to her and her troubles.
I didn't see any grammar errors, nor was there much you could change. In other words, wonderful job!

User avatar
mystogan
Comment
mystogan commented Comment · Aug 12, 2012

oh sorry the first one didn't show up so i posted it twice

User avatar
mystogan
Review
mystogan wrote a review Review · Aug 12, 2012

a very nice poem. i like how to the very end you never mentioned any specific details. I had my fingers crossed. If you had it would immediately taken away that broad feeling yuor poem had. the thing with this is that it is so general in terms of pain and suffering and it is something almost everyone can relate to. the fact that nothing specific is mentioned means they can relate it to themselves and interpret it however they. the gap that you left will be filled by whatever feelings that comes to them as they personalise the poem. also i want to say well done with the simple structure, each stanza is short and small almost like tear drops. I don't knwo if that was what you intended but it certainly felt that way. the shortness of each stanza actually creates a powerful senseof emotion because each message is short and striking. its like the drop of water as it splatters within a second. Very quick and nice pace is also built up because of the short stanzas.

I like the the sense of longing at the end where she tries to escape. It kind of gives the poem hope because it seems like she has stopped crying and is trying more harder to move on. very comforting.
Well done

User avatar
mystogan
Review
mystogan wrote a review Review · Aug 12, 2012

a very nice poem. i like how to the very end you never mentioned any specific details. I had my fingers crossed. If you had it would immediately taken away that broad feeling yuor poem had. the thing with this is that it is so general in terms of pain and suffering and it is something almost everyone can relate to. the fact that nothing specific is mentioned means they can relate it to themselves and interpret it however they. the gap that you left will be filled by whatever feelings that comes to them as they personalise the poem. also i want to say well done with the simple structure, each stanza is short and small almost like tear drops. I don't knwo if that was what you intended but it certainly felt that way. the shortness of each stanza actually creates a powerful senseof emotion because each message is short and striking. its like the drop of water as it splatters within a second. Very quick and nice pace is also built up because of the short stanzas.

I like the the sense of longing at the end where she tries to escape. It kind of gives the poem hope because it seems like she has stopped crying and is trying more harder to move on. very comforting.
Well done



Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
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