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140,552 Literary Works • 673,424 Reviews
Hello there, mybrokenreality
Let me start this off by saying I really enjoyed this poem! It gave me a great description of the girl's sorrows and I actually felt attached to her and her troubles.
I didn't see any grammar errors, nor was there much you could change. In other words, wonderful job!
oh sorry the first one didn't show up so i posted it twice
a very nice poem. i like how to the very end you never mentioned any specific details. I had my fingers crossed. If you had it would immediately taken away that broad feeling yuor poem had. the thing with this is that it is so general in terms of pain and suffering and it is something almost everyone can relate to. the fact that nothing specific is mentioned means they can relate it to themselves and interpret it however they. the gap that you left will be filled by whatever feelings that comes to them as they personalise the poem. also i want to say well done with the simple structure, each stanza is short and small almost like tear drops. I don't knwo if that was what you intended but it certainly felt that way. the shortness of each stanza actually creates a powerful senseof emotion because each message is short and striking. its like the drop of water as it splatters within a second. Very quick and nice pace is also built up because of the short stanzas.
I like the the sense of longing at the end where she tries to escape. It kind of gives the poem hope because it seems like she has stopped crying and is trying more harder to move on. very comforting.
Well done
a very nice poem. i like how to the very end you never mentioned any specific details. I had my fingers crossed. If you had it would immediately taken away that broad feeling yuor poem had. the thing with this is that it is so general in terms of pain and suffering and it is something almost everyone can relate to. the fact that nothing specific is mentioned means they can relate it to themselves and interpret it however they. the gap that you left will be filled by whatever feelings that comes to them as they personalise the poem. also i want to say well done with the simple structure, each stanza is short and small almost like tear drops. I don't knwo if that was what you intended but it certainly felt that way. the shortness of each stanza actually creates a powerful senseof emotion because each message is short and striking. its like the drop of water as it splatters within a second. Very quick and nice pace is also built up because of the short stanzas.
I like the the sense of longing at the end where she tries to escape. It kind of gives the poem hope because it seems like she has stopped crying and is trying more harder to move on. very comforting.
Well done