Published April 8, 2011
Like The Wind
If at any moment, you feel lost,
I'm there to be your guide.
If at any second, you feel the need to cry,
I'm there to be your shoulder.
If at any moment you have a dark cloud looming above you,
I'm there to shine like the sun, and stop the rain.
For whatever reason it may be,
I shall be what you need.
But in that moment where you need nothing,
I'm exactly that; nothing.
I become like the wind,
Always there, never seen.
To not take you by surprise,
I shall warn you now.
The wind goes everywhere, and is nowhere.
Everchanging, and never still.
One morning you'll awake,
Waiting for the wind that will never come.
One day you'll see,
Everything you had, everything you needed,
All that meant anything,
Was simply me.
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139,683 Literary Works • 672,648 Reviews
helloo!
I want to begin with saying that I absolutely love this poem. It's original which makes it even better XD
I don't have any criticism for you really..I just loved how you used the wind to describe yourself
My favorite part:
nice write!!
-qaralynn-
I think "looming overhead" would flow better rhythm-wise.
I think the ideas and poem as a whole flow better without the "but". Filler words like "but" can really detract from a poem because, due to how short it is, each word counts for a lo, and having unnecessary filler dilutes the power of the other words in your poem.
I'm not sure why these lines are inverted. They read awkwardly because of the inversion.
Be careful with your spelling. Also, "and" could be considered a filler word because you can remove it, and the thought still makes sense. I also think it sounds better without the "and".
The flow in these lines was a bit rocky. My suggestions are in blue. I also suggest changing both "everything"s to "all". It not only flows better, but it ties in repetition-wise to the next line "All that meant anything".
Overall though, the flow in this was decent. It didn't have much imagery, but I liked how you had the narrator self-characterize themselves as being like the wind.
Wow! great poem.. love every bit of it.