Published August 20, 2010
Listen, I wasn't really sure how to break this up into stanzas since I wrote it like this first. If you have any ideas on stanzas do you think you could tell me in a review? Thanks ![]()
Ever have a friend who you thought you could trust?
Who you thought would never embarass you?
Who would hurt the person who hurt you, not be the one inflicting the pain?
I had someone like that.
I still have a few.
One changed though.
She went from making me laugh to making me practically hate her.
No, I don't hate her really, I just hate what she did.
Its not a joke anymore.
It isn't funny, can't she see?
Are the tears forming at the rims of my eyes so invisible?
And why is everyone going along with it?
What happened to the people I thought I could trust?
They've all disappeared.
This is what happens when I open up.
I let people in and all I got in return was pain.
My, my...I truly have forgotten what has happened before.
Now I have only a few.
Them, plus a hole in my chest where my heart used to be.
Great...just, great.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Thanks you guys^^ That was really helpful, and I think I'll try combining your two methods a little. I like the stanza's Rain created but also like the drama TPak showed. Either way, thanks to both of you!
~mybrokenreality
Ok, here is how I think you should break it up...
Over all, I like the poem. You can tell that this is something that you wrote about your own expereances, which is good!
~Rain~
I had this happen many times. I love your work how it has your own personal twist in it. But as you asked, I tell you how I think you should break it up into stanzas. But most of your work breaking up the stanzas was remarkable. I have problems when it comes to stanzas myself, so this is just my opinion and you don't have to do it this way if you don't want to.
I would break this stanza up creatingTo create more a dramatic feel I would create do this
And again for me, I love drama, I would do this in another fashion
Again, I'm not the number one writer in the world (I'm not even close) but those are just some suggestions. I actually kind of like it the way it is. It's more personal when you put in the stanzas. So do what you want to do with the stanzas, because the writer knows best! Again, I loved this poem! Keep writing!